When I was growing up, I remember seeing “DV” written on invitations and comments about people’s plans at times. I interpret “DV” as meaning that plans will happen if they are in God’s plan. Over the years, I have seen it used less and less.
It was many years ago that I was told, “You always have a Plan B”. I wonder if I had been influenced by seeing “DV” used as a younger person? A while ago, my sister sent me a message. In the message, she added “DV” after she shared some plans that she had.
As I thought about making a Plan B, I wondered what I had actually been feeling. Had I been preparing for God to disappoint me? Or was I trusting that Father knows best?
If I truly accept that my plans were DV (if God is willing), then having alternate plans is wise. It’s a good idea to have alternatives. I can create an opportunity for myself. I can do something special that I have been delaying. This is a chance to treat myself.
A friend of mine often uses the phrase “Hold everything lightly”. I can do that with my plans, hopes and dreams as well. As the world becomes increasingly chaotic. I want to do better at trusting that God is in control. I am safe when I trust in His will for my life. I can also trust that He still “Holds the Whole World in His Hands”.
This year marks the “anniversary” of two events: I was born seventy years ago, and my divorce was final twenty-five years ago. These events have me contemplating my life and how many events shaped who I am today.
“For me, becoming isn’t about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn’t end.” Michelle Obama.
Through all the changes and transitions in my life, I have recognized the blessing of a solid beginning. I was raised in Ontario by parents who loved and trusted God, each other and their children. They were active in their church and got along well with their neighbours. My life felt secure despite illnesses, accidents, and moves during my childhood.
An industrial accident shortened my father’s years as a farmer. But not before I had the opportunity to grow up in wide open spaces, roaming the woods to see wildflowers, hearing frogs croak in the pond, and learning the names of so many different birds and trees. My big sister loved sharing her knowledge with me. I knew where food came from and the importance of sunshine and rain for growing crops. I liked the solitude of wide open spaces among nature’s sights, sounds and smells.
Adjusting to city life at the age of nine was a challenge, but soon, we moved to the outskirts of town with new areas to explore. It was also during these years that I became a voracious reader. I decided that when I grew up, I would be a teacher and did some volunteer work at a local Christian school while I was in high school. But my sister started teaching before I went on to post-secondary education, and I changed my mind. I didn’t want a job with so much to do outside my work hours, and nursing seemed like a good choice.
Through these early years, I felt protected, safe, and secure. My parents’ love and protection gave me a secure place to grow up. I was taught that Jesus loves me and God has the whole world in His hands. The summer I was seventeen years old, I accepted Jesus into my heart, and His love for me became more than head knowledge.
Challenges Along the Way
The summer before I started nursing school I was on a SWIM (Summer Workshop in Ministries) with three other girls in an inner-city in Michigan. The things I experienced widened my worldview. In the early 1970s, most people I encountered at home were middle-class of European descent. In Michigan, we lived surrounded by lower-class Hispanic and black people. Children were often unsupervised, not crying when they fell, as no one paid attention. Interacting with the children was a highlight of our volunteer time.
Living in this neighbourhood was a different experience than where I lived in Canada. We always had to walk in twos and then only in daylight for our safety. In 1972, people still talked about the murders of Malcolm X and Martin Luther King. The war in Vietnam was still raging and we met a young man who had been drafted and had to report “to camp” the day after we saw him. It was a lot for me to absorb.
Our housing was with a young couple who lived in a poor neighbourhood. One evening, a man roamed our street with a gun, threatening people because he thought someone had “messed with” his wife while he was in jail. We were all told to lie on the floor and avoid the windows. Fortunately, the situation was resolved without incident. That evening, I needed my head knowledge that I could trust God to become heart knowledge. That was a growing process over several years.
In time, I realized that losing a constant sense of safety affected me more than I had appreciated. When I started nursing school in the fall, I had more challenges adjusting than I anticipated. Living in residence was the biggest hurdle. I craved “alone time” and could not find it when I was with my classmates “24 hours a day.” My parents found a place where I had room and board. Fortunately, even though I had little idea what nursing would be like, I liked learning how to care for patients for patients, both their physical and emotional needs.
I took the Registered Nurse program during the few years that a three-year program was condensed into two years, so school was intense. We started with a class of 56 students, and 32 students graduated. With my parents’ support, I completed the program. I think they knew, as I did, that if I got over the “school hurdle”, I would have a career I enjoyed.
When I had my first nursing job interview, I said that I wanted a job where I would get to know patients and their families. That remained true throughout the forty-four years that I worked. I supported people, taught them how to better care for themselves, and often spent time with them during their most difficult times. I met people from all walks of life and many nationalities. When I worked in Kingston Penitentiary, I learned that all the inmates I cared for had a story. Something had happened to trigger their slide into criminal activity. It all helped make me more accepting of people.
The rest of my life continued through all the years of nursing. The years of my marriage were challenging for me. There was the joy of motherhood when my two children were born, but also lots of busyness, a marriage separation, a move, building our own home, a lack of communication in our marriage, and feelings of little support from my spouse. By the end of seventeen years, I wasn’t coping with trying to make the marriage work, and the marriage ended in divorce. I wondered how I had let myself live in emotional chaos for so long. I needed a new path forward.
In the months following the end of my marriage, I had some counselling, I did a 12-step program for healing from emotional abuse, and I attended Divorce Care. The most significant healing came from recognizing that the joy of the Lord was my strength. I had never doubted that God was in control and that He walked with me each day. Putting that thought into the forefront of my mind made a big difference in my days. Annette, the nurse, had survived through those years, but Annette, the person, was finding herself again.
It wasn’t long before a challenging year happened. These things were happening around me and were beyond my control. First, both of my children moved to Calgary, Alberta. Soon after that, my father had a stroke, and my parents moved into long-term care. I decided to sell my home and move into an apartment. While living there, I focused on looking after myself. I paid more attention to my diet, walked, exercised, and improved my social life. I co-led a Grief Share group, a blessing to all who participated.
Going Where He Leads
Soon, however, I realized that I wanted a fresh beginning—a chance to create something new without the memories of the past. I joined my children in Calgary. It was good to renew relationships with my now-adult children. After working in a hospital for a while, I got a job in long-term care in a 77-bed dementia unit. I was reminded of the Maya Angelou quote, “People may not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel.” It was good to become more aware of the impression I made on people. One gentleman wanted me to tuck him into bed. A woman wanted to be sure I would come to her birthday party. I doubt she knew when her birthday was, but I was honoured to be asked,
After two years of going out for dinner together, on road trips, and on shopping expeditions, my children moved away for educational pursuits. I wanted them to pursue their dreams, too. It was right and good.
Soon, I was looking to move again and did not want to return to Ontario. I went further west to BC, where I had family and friends. This move was for “me.” I wasn’t sure what I would discover about myself or the world, but returning to Ontario felt like going backwards.
Whenever I wanted or needed a new nursing position, I found one without difficulty. My nursing career had been the right choice. Soon I was working in a hospital. I began attending Recovery Church with a friend. I was introduced to people who were rebuilding their lives after addiction and others who were now leading productive lives with joy. I helped with Bus Ministry for a while, using my car to drive a few people to Recovery Church. We had the best conversations as we were cocooned in that space together and lots of laughter.
I also got involved with Alpha, a course that creates space for conversations about faith, life, and God. I became more comfortable talking to others about God and firmer in my faith. I was spreading my wings in ways I had never imagined. In some situations, there was a learning curve. I didn’t want to offend anyone; my friend helped me several times in those situations. I had friends of several cultures and life circumstances. This, too, felt right and good.
Then there were the years of Covid, and everything slowed down for a while. Once I got active again, I started volunteering at the Surrey Urban Mission (SUMS), serving breakfast once a week, which I still do. Some of our guests show me what some of my Recovery church friends used to live like. Because I’ve seen proof that there can be freedom after addiction, I can approach the guests with hope. I appreciate the interactions and the friendships that are forming. It’s good when someone no longer needs our services because they have moved on to a recovery center or found housing or their financial situation has improved.
When serving our guests at SUMS, I intentionally try to interact with them. I want them to know that someone sees them. Slowly, I am getting to know more of their names and life circumstances. I enjoy engaging with the staff, other volunteers, and the guests.
Looking back, I see God’s gentle hand leading me forward one step at a time. I had never anticipated being single again for so many years or moving so far west. Not all the roads were easy, and I didn’t always understand where and why I was going. Sometimes, I got frustrated when my life seemed stagnant and became impatient. Later, I realized that the timing wasn’t right for change sooner. My Father, God, knew best.
Working in a dementia unit felt like a detour at the time, but I think that working there made me more patient, tender, and compassionate. It also made me more aware of the profound effect of kindness. Through the years, I have moved from living with mostly people of European descent to a multicultural area where I live now. I have had opportunities to walk closely with prisoners and the homeless, with people who are ill and people who are addicted. All of them appreciated attention and kindness. May I continue to walk gently with others –and myself.
“It’s all a process, steps along a path. Becoming requires equal parts patience and rigor. Becoming is never giving up on the idea that there’s more growing to be done.” Michelle Obama.
Any event that changes your circumstances can cause distress, regret or disappointment. Everyone is unique in how they experience losses and changes.
Grief
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
What is grief?
Grief is the experience of coping with loss. It reflects what you love or are deeply attached to, so it can feel all-encompassing.
Loss is traumatic, so there can initially be emotional numbness. “Why don’t I feel anything?”. The initial shock and avoidance must wear off before the reality of the loss is genuinely felt. It may make people wonder if you even care about your loss. It’s important for those who wish to support someone to remember that they may need us more later than now.
There can also be “delayed grief”. My mother died after she had dementia for several years. In some ways, I had been losing her for a long time, so at the time of her death, I didn’t feel the loss much. It was more than a year later, when looking at some photos, that the tears flowed – and I missed her!!
Sometimes, something happens that brings back memories of your loss, and you may suddenly experience grief again, along with some of the effects on your body. Common “grief triggers” are birthdays, Christmas and any event special event that now cannot be celebrated the same way.
There are no right or wrong emotions when it comes to grief. Anger is a common emotion in grief. Some people find it hard to talk about their anger. It took a while after my divorce for me to recognize and acknowledge that I was angry at God. It was an important step in moving forward into what God had next for me.
Grief is not limited to the loss of people.
This list is some examples of loss. Those with a * are ones I have had personal experience with, and I may refer to them later.
Bereavement – loss of someone close to us*
Death of a pet*
Estrangement of a family member*
Retirement*
Change in a financial state
Death of an abuser – memories of abuse may get triggered
Divorce*
Losing a job
Relocating*
Abortion
Change of job
Leaving home
Loss of a friendship
Personal injury or health*
Relationship breakup
Serious illness of a loved one.
Some common effects on the Body
Loss is an extreme stressor affecting the nervous and immune systems. You may feel generally unwell, including:
headaches
fatigue
nausea
restlessness
upset stomach
not sleeping or sleeping too much
joint pains
muscle aches
palpitations
and it may be easier for a person to get sick.
The situation that affected me the most physically was my divorce. Initially, I had several of the symptoms listed. I also had problems concentrating at times and was blessed to have co-workers who were patient with me.
The estrangement of family members is “complicated.” I grieve their absence in my life yet maintain the hope of reconnection.
The loss of our dog, Sydney, was a sad time for my kids and me. Syd had been our constant caring companion through the days after the divorce. He was our “excuse” to get out, walk, or run about. He loved us unconditionally during a time when we had little energy to support each other. Five years later, when I lived in a different city, I still “expected” Syd to be waiting for me when I came home from work one day.
Grief can be unpredictable because it comes in waves. It’s one of the most frustrating aspects of life after loss. One day you feel mildly okay, and the next you feel as if the loss has just happened all over again. In addition to being frustrating, it can be exhausting. ~ Halle M. Thomas.
Grief do’s and don’ts.
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. ~I Peter 5:7
Taking care of yourself physically and mentally is very important. It is important to allow yourself to grieve. I found reading self-help books very useful. It was good to know that my emotions were normal, that this, too, would pass. Guilt and shame can hold you back. When I asked myself what I was guilty of or why I felt shame, I really didn’t know. And even if there are issues to resolve, now is the time to make changes to move forward.
Be patient with yourself, but also remember not to underestimate yourself. Through trial and error, you can find things that make a day feel brighter. Walking the dog was a great way for me to get exercise. I also started paying attention to what was around me more. Focusing on the birds, trees and flowers took my mind off of other more challenging things.
One of the best things I did after my divorce was join a Divorce Care group. I had an opportunity to talk to people who understood my feelings. I had difficulty connecting with people other than the nurses I had worked with for 12 years. At Divorce Care, I could share my hurts and challenges and be understood. After our sessions were done, we continued to see each other socially. Joining a support group is a great addition to any grief recovery strategy.
After a loss, it is important to take time before making big changes in your life. Don’t cross your bridges before you get to them. Take one day at a time. If you have lost a significant other, it’s best to take time before getting into another relationship.
How can you offer help to someone after their loss?
Be present. Support them in any way they need.
Offer help. Often better to offer than to ask. It may take too much energy for them to think ahead to what they might need.
Signal that you are open to talking. Look for clues from the grieving person. It’s important to listen more than you talk
Don’t minimize someone’s loss. Allow the person to process their feelings honestly. “It’s for the best” may be what you believe to be true. However, the grieving person may not be ready to hear that.
When should a grieving person seek help?
If your feelings of sadness and despair are persistent and you are unable to experience happiness, you may be depressed. Seek help after a reasonable length of time if you are not coping with the important areas of your life and you don’t know how to move forward. Joining a support group may be a great addition to your therapy.
Sadness
When I was reading about grief, I came across some helpful comments about sadness. I have relocated several times over the years, and I soon knew that life could feel challenging for a while in a new location. I read that sadness teaches us to adapt.
To feel better in my new place, I must learn where the places I need to function are (stores, banks, etc.). Life feels better when I get settled into my new home, find out where I like to walk and am connected to a church. I evaluate what is important to me and take t action in those areas.
I can use this lesson in other ways in my life as well. When life doesn’t feel quite right: re-evaluate and change.
Final Words
Ajita Robinson, PhD. Like to look at grief as a set of phases.
Acknowledge the loss
Create space for your feelings
Understand that grief is a lifelong journey
Know that there can be joy in life post-loss.
Jesus said: “So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you”. John 16:22
(I appreciate the image at the top of this blog — the Light shines in the darkness!!)
There are lots of memories surfacing these days because on June 14, 2024, it will be 50 years since my nursing class graduated. We graduated from Public General Hospital School of Nursing in Chatham, ON and from St. Clair College (Windsor, ON) Thames Campus. We started our classes at a hosptial school of nursing and ended them at a community college. Nursing schools transitioned from hospitals into Community Colleges in 1973. Two things have changed over the years. It now takes a 4-year University degree to become a Registered Nurse (I was in a two year program) and more males are entering the field of nursing (I had 2 males in my class).
This photo shows some of my name tags: Miss A. Batterink (nursing school) A. Westra (Kingston Penitentiary) and my last one, Annette (Fraser Health Authority for my positions at Surrey Memorial Hospital and Newton Home Health, BC). They also tell a story of how differently nurses were addressed through the years.
My Transitioning Career (skip this part if it’s too boring)
Over 44 years, I worked in 12 different institutions in 4 provinces.
Hamilton General Hospital ON– Neurosurgery and Burn Unit -July 1974-June 1978*
Kyle-White Bear Union Hospital SK– general nursing -Sept. 1975- Oct. 1975* (more about that later).
Sarnia General Hospital ON -casual float nurse -(July 1978 – May 1979)
St. Jospeh’s Hospital, London ON- urology unit -June 1979 – July 1980
Kingston General Hospital ON – casual part-time float -Oct. 1980 – Sept. 1981
Kingston Penitentiary ON -Operating Room- Feb. 1984 – Aug. 1986
Hotel Dieu Hospital, Kingston ON – Surgical Intensive Care- Sept. 1984- Aug. 1986
Strathroy Middlesex General Hospital ON– Medical Floor and ICU/CCU – Sept 1986 – April 2008
Foothills Hospital, Calgary AB- Respiratory Medicine and Thoracic Surgery – part-time- May 2008 – Feb. 2009
Bow Crest Nursing Home-Calgary AB – part-time evening nurse dementia unit – March 2009 – April 2010.
Surrey Memorial Hospital BC– casual position (medical floors) -May 2010 – April 2013
Newton Home Health, Fraser Health Authority BC – April 2013- Sept. 2018
“As a nurse, we have the opportunity to heal the heart, mind, soul and body of our patients, their families and ourselves. ~ Maya Angelou
When I had my interview for my first nursing job, I said that I wanted to work in an area where I would get to know patients and their families. My first assignment was on a neurosurgical unit at Hamilton General Hospital. It was an intense place to work. Patients included those with brain tumours, new paraplegics & quadriplegics and semi-comatose patients with little hope of recovery. There were also frequent deaths. Giving emotional support in so many diverse situations stretched me in ways I had never anticipated. At the end of a year, I was ready for a change. It was an idea that my head nurse celebrated as she felt all new nurses should explore nursing.
I decided on a big transition and applied for a position I read about in The Canadian Nurse. However, between the time I was accepted for the position and the time I arrived in *Kyle SK, there was a change in doctors. The present doctor had few privileges. I felt bored and isolated and when I was offered another position at the hospital I had just left, I returned to Hamilton General Hospital, this time to the Burn Unit.*
The Burn Unit was also an intense place to work, with sometimes heart-breaking situations. Sometimes multiple members of the same family were admitted and not all of them survived. One of those people was Ronnie. He was 17 years old. His cousin’s clothes caught on fire while working in a garage. Ronnie used a fire blanket to put out his cousin’s burning clothes. There wasn’t a second blanket for when Ronnie’s clothes caught fire, too. He was severely burned. He survived for several weeks. Ronnie was a Christian and he knew I was, too. One quiet night, near the end of Ronnie’s life, I sat at his bedside for a few minutes. Ronnie said, “Annette, it’s ok if I die. I’m ready and my cousin isn’t”. I was 23 years old at that time, and Ronnie’s words have always stayed with me.
Two things changed for the better soon after I started working at Hamilton General. One was switching from glass IV bottles to IV bags. No more crashing bottles on the floor as patients stumbled out of the bathroom (We often had patients with delerium tremens on our unit). The other good change was no longer using mercury thermometers: rectal and oral ones. We spent too much time chasing those little balls of mercury around on the floor when a thermometer broke.
“Transitions are a time for reflection and a time for looking forward” ~ Roy Cooper
During these years (except for my time in SK, of course), I was living at home with my parents. It was a blessing to be so well cared for while I was transitioning into my new profession. After four years at home, I was ready to move on, but not as big a change as my venture to SK. I moved into my first apartment in Sarnia,ON. A city where I had gone to elementary school and high school. It was also close enough to spend time at my favourite lake, Lake Huron.
I worked at Sarnia General Hospital. I had a casual float position. I smiled when I had opportunities to work in the area where the delivery rooms had been when I was born. To better position myself for a full-time job, I took an in-house Critical Care course on my own time, giving up opportunites to earn money when I went to classes. They promised that we would get full-time positions on completion of the course work. That promise was broken—and I moved on again.
Transition 2
My next stop was a full-time position on a 44-bed urology unit in St. Jospeh’s Hospital in London, ON. I learned skills that would be useful later and enjoyed working with the young nurses who were my colleagues. I left when I got married and moved to Kingston, ON.
Transition 3
I had more transitions as I adjusted to life in Kingston, to life as a wife and soon to life as a mother. During my years in Kingston, I first worked as a casual float nurse at Kingston General Hospital. KGH is a teaching hospital and I learned “lots” and enjoyed the many new situations I was exposed to. I was blessed to have supportive staff help me in each new situation.
My children were born 18 months apart, so these were busy years. My first “back to work” position after my second child was born, was in the Operating Room at Kingston Penitentiary: every week on Wednesday. Working in “the Pen” was a unique experience. Getting to know our inmate orderlies and reading the files of those who came for surgery helped me recognize that every one of us “has a story”. After a few months, I also started working a casual position at Hotel Dieu Hospital in Kingston in their Surgical Intensive Care unit.
I had a huge transition in 1986 —a separation in my marriage – and a move to Strathroy, ON which is a 5-hour drive from Kingston, but where my sister and her family lived. (My husband joined the children and me 6 months later)
I worked at Surrey Memorial Hospital for 22 years in various part-time and full-time positions, in the Medical Unit and in ICU/CCU. It was my first time working 12-hour shifts. Strathroy was a good community to be part of and looking after “the locals” was a positive addition to the job.
Let us never consider ourselves finished nurses. We must be learning all our lives. ~ Florence Nightingale.
All through these years, continuing education was a must. I learned how to do blood sugar testing (glucometers), how to do chest assessments to listen for abnormalities using a stethoscope. I learned how to stick needles into veins to start intravenous therapy and how to do sterile dressing changes for PICC lines (Peripherally inserted central line) and for central lines. There were many specialty skills I needed to use when working in ICU/CCU.
We seldom wore gloves in the early 70s. With the passing years, gloves were being worn more and more often. And soon nurses were using lots of hand sanitizer.
Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomfort. ~ Arnold Bennett
During my career, I found it stressful when changes were made to the way we had to deliver care. When I initially worked in nursing, we followed the team nursing model of care. A team worked together to get the care done for a certain group of patients. In my last hospital job, we did total patient care. A nurse was responsible for all the care for his/her patients. I found that in Team Nursing I had to keep track of details for too many patients. In Total Patient Care it was sometimes hard to find the help I needed when I needed it.
My favourite way of doing patient care was a hybrid of team nursing and total patient care. We had some variations of that while I worked in Strathroy. I liked to know which patients I was responsible for, but I also liked to have another nurse or nurses on my team that knew we would work together when needed. I knew who was assigned to cover me for my breaks. Another thing we did on the medical unit was “rounds”. All available nurses going through the unit together getting patients up or back to bed. I enjoyed seeing the other patients I wasn’t assigned to.
John C. Maxwell said that “Teamwork makes the dream work”.
There were a big personal changes while in Strathroy
During these years, I divorced and adjusted to “single-again” me. My children completed post-secondary education, and both moved to Calgary, AB. I found out that Alberta had great part-time rotations and even better benefits. I decided it was time for a change. After spending 22 years working with many of the same people, I missed them. But I was ready to move forward into what God had next for me. I am thankful for any connections I still have.
Forgive yourself; you are not perfect. Show yourself grace; you are still learning. Show yourself patience; you are on a journey. ~ Shannon Yvette Tanner
When you first start nursing you are a “novice nurse” but as you gain experience, you work towards being an “expert nurse”. During my many job changes through the years, I was able to adjust out of the novice stage within a reasonable time frame, and start to feel comfortable.
When I moved to Calgary, I worked 8-hour shifts on a Respiratory Medicine and Thoracic Surgery unit at Foothills Hospital. Their nursing model was a bit different than I had previously experienced; it was the first time I worked with care aides.
I had often worked on medical units, so respiratory medicine wasn’t too big a challenge for me. However, this was my first time working with thoracic surgery patients and the unique situations that this involved : chest tube removals, strict pain control and post-op care.
Another challenge for me was that the staff turnover on the unit was great. This affected me and all the new nurses; some were novice nurses. I could answer some of the novice nurses’ questions but didn’t always get my own questions answered. After 9 months, I realized I “wasn’t having fun”. So, I resigned. Years before my father had told me that if I wasn’t having fun, I should find something else to do. I could, so I did!
I took a month of vacation, traveling to visit family and friends. When I got back to Calgary, I had a message on my answering machine to set up an interview for another job. Through all the challenges and changes, I was blessed that every time I needed or wanted another job, I was able to find one.
They may forget your name, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou
Soon I was working in a part-time evening position on a 77-bed dementia unit at Bow Crest Nursing Home. I enjoyed most aspects of that job, but especially tucking people into bed at night. One sweet memory is about a resident named Betty. Betty had quite advanced dementia but was still able to peddle herself around the unit in her wheelchair. There was a time when I didn’t see her for a few days because I was assigned to other patients, but Betty found me. She peddled up to me and said” If I have a birthday party, will you come?” She didn’t know my name, she probably didn’t know when her birthday was, but she considered me her friend. Such an honour.
“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end” ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca.
My children had both moved away from Calgary and I had family and friends in BC, so, without a job or a place to live, I moved there. I lived with friends initially, but soon had a job and my own apartment.
I worked 12 hour shifts at Surrey Memorial Hospital (SMH), floating to various medical units. Initially I worked day and nights shifts, but eventually was able to get enough work by only working days shifts. At SMH, the physiotherapists were more involved with the patients’ care. The multidisciplinary model of care was new for me – the added input to my patients’ care was appreciated.
One skill I learned at SMH was how to do peritoneal dialysis- a treatment for kidney failure that uses the lining of your abdomen, or belly, to filter the blood inside of your body. It can be done at home or another appropriate place by the person needing treatment.
To All Good Things There Comes an End
My final job change in my career was when I started working at Newton Home Health (NHH). During my interview for my first job, I had said that I wanted a position where I could get to know patients and their families. Over the years, hospital nursing became too busy for me to feel that connection. So even though, I didn’t too often see the same clients again and again, I enjoyed once again having an opportunity for better one-on-one communication with the people I cared for.
There was a bigger learning curve than I had anticipated in doing home health nursing. The efforts towards the adjustment were worth it. Because NHH and SMH were both part of the Fraser Health Authority, my seniority moved with me. This made it easier for me to pick the shifts I wanted to work; a surprise that was a blessing.
In the fall of 2017, I had surgery with some complications. For several months afterwards, I tried to get “back into the groove”. I worked some shifts, but thinking about needing to work the next day became stressful. Eventually I had to admit to myself that trying to get back to work was sabotaging my recovery. I resigned in the fall of 2018.
Life has a different rhythm now. I like being able to set my own pace and get involved with what I want to be involved in. I do some volunteer work; I am a member of a ladies’ group at church and I am finding time for my hobbies. I am thankful for the years that I could spend time with patients and their families. Their stories have added to the richness of my story.
Were we really meant to rush with abandon toward some earthly hilltop finish line? Or was God telling us something in those whispers of “be still”, that all along, it was necessary to slow down, trust and heal”. ~ Morgan Harper Nichols
Fifteen years ago, I started a correspondence that continues to this day (though now we sometimes have in-person visits, too). The verse that started our connections was Psalm 46:10~ Be still and know that I am God. This phrase still comes up often in our conversations. Therefore, when I read the above quote, I wanted to explore it further.
Slow down
Carl Honore says that “the great benefit of slowing down is reclaiming the tranquility to make meaningful connections -with people, with culture, with work, with nature, with our bodies and minds.” Corrie ten Boom once said that if the devil cannot make you sin, he will make you busy. Busyness separates us from so many things that can enrich our lives. Busyness separates us from God and others.
Psalm 23:2,3 tells us that to refresh our souls, the Lord, our Shepherd “makes us lie down in green pastures, He leads us beside quiet waters.” We need time to re-focus, to spend quality time with others, to be still and know that He is God. In the stillness, in the quiet, He is there.
It was a very busy time when I first had my own home after my divorce. I had two children at home and was working as many nursing shifts as I could. I will always be thankful that we had a dog that needed to be taken for walks. It was my chance to get away from the busyness at home and get out into nature. Later, I made the choice to take time to read a book one morning a week. Mini-escapes can be important.
Trust
Long ago, when the Israelites were nearing the Red Sea, the Egyptians were pursuing them. They felt trapped and afraid and wished they had stayed in Egypt. They were told “The Lord Himself will fight for you. Just stay calm. (Exodus 14:14 NLT). Not only did God part the waters of the seas so the Israelites could walk through on dry land, He also drowned the enemy that was pursuing them. Be still, the Lord will fight for you.
In another situation, David was being hunted by his enemies. He had to wait patiently for the Lord to act, knowing that God “had his back.” David wrote Psalm 37:7~ Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.” It can be hard to wait. We feel like we have to DO SOMETHING! Learning to trust God in small situations makes it easier to trust Him on the big things, too.
Staying calm in a tough situation isn’t easy for me. However, when I worked as a nurse, I had to be sure that my anxiety wasn’t transmitted to my patients. Pause, take a deep breath and do the most important thing first.
Heal
Mary Beth Eiler wrote Stillness leads to clarity as we uncover what was holding us back and how to move forward. Stillness replenishes us and creates space to hear our own thoughts. Stillness is the mediator between what we feel and our ability to express it.Stillness is where we grow quiet enough to hear God’s voice and remember we are Beloved.
To truly begin to walk toward healing, we must willingly engage in the practice of stillness as we come to terms with the reality of our present.
Many changes happen in our bodies when we calm ourselves. These changes are healthier for our hearts and our minds.
When I was diagnosed with thyroid disease, I had to learn to put more importance on my health. Diet, exercise, getting outdoors and spending time with family and friends all became important.
Final words
I am retired now and taking time for myself can be a challenge. I think “I’m not busy” or “I don’t have a lot to do” and fritter away too much of my time. It doesn’t feel good to have days when I feel like I’ve accomplished “nothing”.
I am becoming aware of the importance of having some routines in my life. Days that I plan to accomplish household tasks, set time apart to volunteer, make more effort to connect with family and friends and getting exercise consistently. When I have scheduled things to do, I feel like I am taking “me” time when I do something for myself. I am thankful that my days are starting to have some rhythm. When life feels eheavy and hard, I know I need to look to the Master,
And Jesus said: “Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Today, July 19, 2020 is another Sunday of living our “new normal”. The pandemic caused by Covid-19 is affecting the whole globe and it is necessary for all of us to change our behaviours. We all need to do everything we can to keep Covid from moving from one person to the next person. Many people have died, some are recovering (some very slowly) and some recovered patients are wondering if there health will be affected for the rest of their lives.
It’s not possible to “get ready” for a situation that changes everything so suddenly. We grieve the loss of the way things were just a few months ago. It’s easy to try to ignore how that grief is affecting us as we cope with all the daily changes and challenges in our lives. We don’t know when this will end. We are constantly looking for everything to be back to “normal” soon.
But, what is “normal” and was everything really so good way back then. “Back then” seems like it was a long time ago. When I look at my own life, I realize that I was taking life for granted. I retired fairly recently and was living day-by-day without any real goals or aspirations. I think I have to accept that right now isn’t the time for any BIG changes, but perhaps it’s a time of preparation.
During this season, I have become more aware of the suffering of others. I have become more aware of injustice that affects innocent lives. I have become aware of people who cannot see beyond their own wants to the needs of others and they don’t care how their actions might affect those around them. I have become aware that I had little knowledge or insight into some things that I thought were right and true. So, I might not be “doing” but I am changing.
The Clay in Potter’s Hand
“The shaping process is hard and long.
Trials come to shape us.
Our faith is stretched and tested.
But in all the stretching, pulling
and shaping His one design is
to make us into a vessel
He can use for His glory.
–Jess Syverson
What about you? Does this season make you re-evaluate your life? Are there changes you feel led to make?
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Trust in the LORD with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5 NKJV
Sometimes in life I am caught between then and not yet. This has happened to me again recently. It is almost a year ago since I retired from my nursing career, rather suddenly. I had taken the summer off because I wasn’t feeling well and decided by September that I wasn’t going to return to work. For the first number of months of my retirement, I was focusing on improving my health, and that still continues. However, I soon started looking towards “what’s next”? But then, “what’s next” turned into “not yet”.
I am slowly learning how to live in the “place between”. A few days ago, when I was going to do my exercise routine in my living room, the above photo was the view that I saw. I saw the trees and a peak of “my mountain” (just left of center). It’s a view that I appreciate, but that morning I felt like God was reminding me of His presence. I wondered: How many times a day does He do that and I don’t pay attention? How many opportunities to feel His nearness, presence and peace pass me by?
It’s awesome to know that in the “place between”, God says: I AM. I am with you. I will direct your steps, the places you will go and the people you will see today. I am all you need. In Matthew 11:30, Jesus says, “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I want to rejoice in “the easy” of going where He leads, of being His hands, eyes, ears and heart as He directs. Can I learn to be better at this while I am in this “place between”?
And I just wanna be where you are..
I just wanna be near your heart..
There is nothing like your love~!
(Leeland Mooring)
It’s a crazy world out there these days — unrest on so many fronts. The news cycle changes so quickly that by Saturday it’s hard to remember what happened on Monday. It all feels harsh and scary. Added to that, there are concerns with our families, our health, our finances, broken relationships and so much more. It’s overwhelming. mind-boggling, scary and much too easy to lose our focus.
God knows there are people and situations into our lives that are upsetting, sad and wrong. We live in a sinful work with sinful people and we personally add to “the mess”. But, too often, I think our response isn’t what God wants it to be. Philippians 4:6-7 says :Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. God doesn’t tell us to ignore the situations, but to present our requests to God.
Trust in the Lord with all your heartand lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5,6). Our response must be to turn away from anxiety and focus on the reasons why we can trust in God; the reasons why we can follow where He leads step-by-step.
In the church I grew up in, we often recited Psalm 103: 1-5 after we had communion — the Lord’s Supper that we celebrated in remembrance of Jesus great sacrifice.
Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
“Remember what the Lord has done for you as often as your heart needs it.” (unknown)
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:16-18
I Thessalonians 5: 16-18 were the words that greeted my morning today. After a few challenging weeks with my health, it was hard to read. Words like “always, “all, “God’s will” … really?? Today, too??
Often at times like that it is good to look back and remember times that seemed impossibly hard, but then….. After the end of my marriage, my ex. wanted the money from the matrimonial home. It took many months for the house to sell. During that time, I found a home the children and I liked. However, it was too expensive and didn’t have central air. Having air conditioning was very important living in SW Ontario– plus I was a shift working nurse and needed to be able to sleep during the day.
Months went on and then… suddenly… within 48 hours… a house was sold and a house was bought!! And yes!!! It was the same house I had looked at months before. But now, the price of the home was lower and I had been able to save enough for air conditioning. Wow!! Awesome God!!
So, as I once again remember blessings-past, I can look at those words “always, “all, “God’s will” a little differently. I think that God “wills” me to remember that I can trust Him, that He is faithful, that I can talk to Him about any and all of my concerns because He wants me to. God wants to partner with me in my situation. There is peace and joy in that.
One other thing happened this morning. As I was thinking about not feeling well and the changes I am trying to make in my life, God whispered to my heart “It has taken much for Me to get your attention to take better care of yourself”. There is much love from my Father God in those words. To myself: Breath deeply — often– relax– you CAN do it!!
I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I do know that I want to do a better job of partnering with God in my health situation. May I more and more trust Him as I seek His direction and rest in His care.
What are you struggling with — physical, emotional, spiritual?? God is waiting to partner with you. His love for us is a REAL thing. Rest in Him.
There are many times that life feels overwhelming. Sometimes I’ve taken on too many projects, sometimes I have very poor time management, sometimes there are many demands/requests from others and sometimes I have difficulty setting priorities. Right now, all this is added to learning how to adjust to a chronic health condition. There is grief and sadness connected to that, as well as the awareness that God is my healer. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.~ Psalm 9: 10.
As I pray about these “nuisance symptoms” that challenge my days, I try to be as honest as I can be as I talk to my loving Father God. Often, these times help me sort out my feelings. In the physical realm, I have to do my part to maintain my health as best I can. Finding time for “more rest” isn’t always easy. Limiting the events I commit myself to, is hard as well. I had thought that when I was semi-retired, I would be able to get more involved — but I am not able to do that right now. I want to be useful for God, but am not sure what that looks like some days. But if I were you, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before him. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. Job 5: 8,9
It has been important for me to learn as much as I can about symptom relief. Dietary changes, how I sleep, increasing my walking times, spending more time at “play” — all these little things help. I pray for more direction and insights through the things I hear and read — and through that “still small voice”. I also have to be aware of making adjustments when whatever I do doesn’t work for the best. Yes, it can feel like discipline. I’m thankful for the people who honestly tell me that I’ve “messed up” — done something or not done something that would make a difference. Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise. Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. ~ Proverbs 19: 20, 21
Patience is needed every step of the way. Patience to evaluate frequently so I can enjoy life the best I am able. There have been times when I couldn’t work at my job, but I was able to help someone else for a shorter part of a day. I may not have been able to attend an event, but I was blessed by a surprising connection with someone I hadn’t expected to see. And always, more time to pray is an awesome, blessed way to influence people and events in His Kingdom by connecting with Father God. God has heard your prayers and your answer is on the way. Your times are in God’s hands and He won’t be late. ~ Joyce Meyer
Many years ago (1996), a patient handed me a little slip of paper with two verses on it. One of those verses was Isaiah 58:11. She said she felt the verses were for me and my family. I may not always understand how my loving Father fulfills His promises, but I know His Word is true. God will meet my needs and water (life) will flow from me to others. May I walk faithfully in trust with Him every day. With God, I can do this! Some days I feel like I am starting all over again– crawling before I walk –living life in a new way. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. ~Isaiah 58:18
Your life may not be affected by health changes, like mine. It may be affected by stress, or grief, or care-giver fatigue or… Whatever challenges you face in your life, I pray that as you walk with Him, you will feel more and more protected by His loving care. And that you will be able to find patience to make changes that will help you have joy in your days. Go with God!
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