Do you ever have those days when you feel stuck? Or you don’t know what to do next? Or you wonder if you should do something or nothing? I seem to have days, times, seasons like that. I know that others have walked similar paths. I have read or heard their stories and been encouraged. Right now, my life has taken an unexpected direction. I need to remember that “faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.” (Martin Luther King Jr.)
Almost a year ago, I had surgery to correct a condition I had. I thought that everything would be “normal” after that. I had complications during surgery, so initially, I thought I was recovering from surgery. After some time, I thought I had to recover from recovering. I started to make some lifestyle changes which seemed to make a difference, but I still struggled.
Recently, I’ve realized that my surgery has left me with a “permanent” less serious condition. However, it is life-changing and adjustments have to be made– physically and emotionally.
Dealing with my physical symptoms and changes has been a challenge. There have been many prayers by myself and others. The answer to those prayers hasn’t been total healing — a miraculous transformation of the changes that have been made to my body. The answers have come in quiet direction in various ways of how to live differently and more effectively with the “new me”. This is an ongoing process and I thank God for not giving up on me through my tears and frustration.
Looking at my future through a different lens is harder. Sometimes I feel like I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. “Am I depressed?”, I ask myself. I may be a bit depressed, though I believe it is more like a situational crisis. The Free Dictionary describes a situational crisis in psychiatry as “an unexpected crisis that arises suddenly in response to an external event or a conflict concerning a specific circumstance. The symptoms are transient, and the episode is usually brief”. I have to recognize that ignoring a molehill would not be a good idea.
It is taking a bit of time for me to refocus my life . In the past I have gone through a necessary divorce and a few major moves that I chose to make. God led me to and through those situations. I’ll admit that I am a bit blind-sided by what God is doing now. Trusting God and remembering His love for me gives strength and courage for each day.
I know that God knows exactly where I am and that His love for me and His plans for me have not changed. Slowly, I am starting to anticipate the “next steps” in a positive way. I am starting to recognize deep within that God has prepared me for this time — that different will be OK.
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
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