Life is sometimes challenging, especially when you have fractured and complicated relationships. Hurtful words and actions cause you to hold grudges and harbour unforgiveness towards another person. How do you set all that aside and let bygones be bygones? It is possible when both parties choose to forgive, to let go of negativity, and to build a better relationship. This does not mean reconciliation. It means being able to create a different relationship. In this relationship, you can have positive interactions from time to time. This may look challenging when you think of a specific relationship that you are dealing with. The process starts with healing yourself, and you can set that goal.
Self-healing requires you to acknowledge feelings of anger, grief and resentment rather than ignoring them. You must also learn to control these emotions and avoid clinging to them, saying “goodbye” to the old conflict. No longer seeking revenge and letting go of resentment. Not dealing with negative emotions can lead to physical tension in your body and poor mental health. Holding on to grudges and bitterness can cause stress in your body, affecting your health and well-being. Letting go improves your blood pressure and heart health; it boosts your immune system. Walking in freedom improves your self-esteem and reduces symptoms of depression.
Were you being mistreated? Are your emotions telling you you need to set better boundaries? If you want to renew a relationship with someone who has wronged you in the past, you must protect yourself. Safeguard yourself from further harm. Make sure you set clear boundaries. Sometimes you allow bad behaviour to go on for too long, and anger and resentment set in. You need to assess why you let someone else control areas of your life. These areas should have been under your control. You can’t condone harmful behaviour or allow them access to your life without setting limits. It is essential to have personal boundaries because they define your identity. They are about what you feel, what you believe, your needs, and your values.
Sometimes things were done that can’t be undone. The consequences of your actions will still be yours to bear. Your actions were hurtful to another person but seemed necessary at the time. You need to acknowledge your role in the situation and express remorse for the pain your actions caused. This is the beginning of self-forgiveness. You must show self-compassion, accept your imperfections, and release your guilt.
Once self-healing occurs, your decision to renew the relationship is not just a gesture. It is a conscious decision made by the “healed you”. It is an act of kindness to try to restore a relationship with another person. Both affected lives will experience more peace, happiness, and healing from the unpleasant situation that existed.
Yet, if it’s not possible to let bygones be bygones, it is still necessary to forgive. Forgiveness is not only a choice you make but also a command. God says: “Forgive others as I have forgiven you.” You can trust God to be in control of the situation. God’s grace can flow through you to the other person. Forgiveness is not the same as restoration. You are not commanded to be friends with everyone or to put yourself in an unsafe situation. Sometimes, people should keep a distance from each other, for their physical or emotional well-being.
If you choose to forgive someone, you will probably have to make that choice over and over. When memories resurface, and you recall how the other person hurt you, you need to reinforce your decision to forgive. Praying about the situation and sharing with a trusted friend are helpful. Forgiveness takes time, so be patient with yourself. Remember that forgiving makes you feel better physically and emotionally. Celebrate because you are blessing yourself.
It is essential to understand the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. The key difference is that forgiveness is between you and God. It is you trusting that God will help you deal with the hardness of heart you feel towards another person. This only involves God and you. Reconciliation is focused on restoring a broken relationship between two people. Even when forgiveness is accepted, it takes a while to regain trust. Restoring friendly relationships after conflict is a process. It involves forgiveness and understanding. It also requires addressing past harms to build a more harmonious future. The attitudes and actions of both people will affect the process of rebuilding trust. Reconciliation should always be the goal in healthy situations. However, it is essential to remember that not every situation is healthy.
The next time your feelings of despair and sadness from painful memories overwhelm you, make the choice to forgive. Then choose to forgive again. Keep choosing to forgive.
When I was growing up, I remember seeing “DV” written on invitations and comments about people’s plans at times. I interpret “DV” as meaning that plans will happen if they are in God’s plan. Over the years, I have seen it used less and less.
It was many years ago that I was told, “You always have a Plan B”. I wonder if I had been influenced by seeing “DV” used as a younger person? A while ago, my sister sent me a message. In the message, she added “DV” after she shared some plans that she had.
As I thought about making a Plan B, I wondered what I had actually been feeling. Had I been preparing for God to disappoint me? Or was I trusting that Father knows best?
If I truly accept that my plans were DV (if God is willing), then having alternate plans is wise. It’s a good idea to have alternatives. I can create an opportunity for myself. I can do something special that I have been delaying. This is a chance to treat myself.
A friend of mine often uses the phrase “Hold everything lightly”. I can do that with my plans, hopes and dreams as well. As the world becomes increasingly chaotic. I want to do better at trusting that God is in control. I am safe when I trust in His will for my life. I can also trust that He still “Holds the Whole World in His Hands”.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. “Proverbs 3:5-6
For every promise from God, there is a response I must make. Proverbs 3:5-6 has three actions.
Trusting God
I was raised in a Christian home by parents who lived out their faith and trusted in God. Prayer and Bible reading were built into the rhythm of our daily routine. It was a stable and secure place to grow up (Prov. 14:26). An added blessing was that we lived in the country. I remember one evening lying on my back in the grass. I was listening to a chorus of frogs croaking in the pond. I looked up at the “millions” of stars in the sky. Heaven touching earth (Psalm 19:1). My head knew that I could trust the God of the universe. However, it took a while before it became heart knowledge.
I gave my heart to Jesus fifty-four years ago, at the age of seventeen. Jesus is my Shepherd. Faithfully, gently, and ably He tends His flock. He takes care of my needs, makes sure I rest, and guides my steps. He is with me when enemies attack me in whatever way. And, best of all, His goodness and love are always there. Someday I will live with Him forever (Psalm 23).
Sometimes it is easy to say. “I trust You, God”. But sometimes, I need to struggle with my emotions, cry out to God and choose to trust Him. God promises that when I call out to Him, He will answer me. He will be with me in times of trouble. Not all my problems get solved the way I hoped. But God will be with me in my circumstances (Psalm 91:15).
When I trust that God knows the path of my life, I can be certain that He will guide me. He will stay with me. There is no need to be fearful or distressed. (Deuteronomy 31:8). He works all things together for my good (Romans 8:28).
Our Father knows best.
There have been times in my life when I felt sure of the path I was on. I believed I knew what God would want me to do. When I got married, the pastor delivered a brief message based on John 1:5. “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” For seventeen years, that light flickered and flamed, and I believed it would become a bright shining light “someday”. However, over a few months, God began to reveal to me that change was on the way. He used the words of our fifth marriage counselor. He used some reading I had done. My spouse’s actions played a part. Comments by my children also contributed. I had to accept that God wasn’t going to save my marriage; He was going to free me from it. God loved me more than He loved my marriage.
During the next years, I attempted to find out what to do next. Various scenarios occurred to me. Through His Word, God told me to forget the past because he was going to do something new (Isaiah 43:18-19). God would direct my steps. “And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it’.” Isaiah 30:21:
Later, I sometimes struggled to adjust to the changes in my life. Despite this, I trusted that I was in the right place at the right time. I can make plans, but God will guide me to what He knows is best for me (Proverbs 16:9).
During the process of considering what I would change, I was sometimes too influenced by others’ thoughts. Their ideas affected me. This can be a stumbling block when trying to discern God’s voice. When God guides my steps, the way ahead can be different from what others or I, myself, expected (Proverbs 20:24). At the age of fifty-four, I made significant changes. Initially, I moved from Ontario to Alberta. Two years later, I moved to British Columbia. God’s promises reminded me that I was not alone in the transition phases of my life. Psalm 119:105 reminds me that God’s Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light to my path. Significant transitions can lead to big blessings.
Acknowledging God
There are many ways in which I can show God my gratitude for being in my life.
I am grateful for the ways God shows His love for me. The most significant way was by sending His Son into the world. God promises me eternal life if I believe in Jesus (John 3:16). With profound gratitude, I thank God for His indescribable gift (2 Corinthians 9:15).
My love for God is precious to Him. God asks me to love Him above all and my neighbour as myself (Mark 12: 30-31). May my words and actions be pleasing to Him (Psalm 19:14). 7) Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances (I Thess. 5:16-18)
“You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honour and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being”, Rev. 4:11
He will make your path straight.
One day, when I was still married, someone gave me a small corner of an envelope. It contained two Bible texts and the words, “I believe these are meant for you and your family.” These verses have given me comfort. They have provided a sense of His direction in the years since. My path may seem straight and curvy, up and down, looping backwards. However, I am confident that, eventually, my path will lead me straight to where He wants me to be.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,plans to prosper you and not to harm you,plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:1
The Lord will guide you always. He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden. Like a spring whose waters never fail.
In the Bible’s creation story, the earth is described as formless, void, and dark (Genesis 1:2). The Hebrew word that is used indicates formlessness, confusion, unreality or nothingness and empty space. Sometimes life can feel like that. Everything changes, plans fall apart and nothing seems to make sense.
I have a few examples of that in my own life:
When I was 21 years old, I made a decision. I wanted the adventure of moving far away. I went to work in a small hospital in a small town. Once there, I soon discovered that I didn’t like the isolation, and nearby city hospitals weren’t hiring. My adventure had become a disaster,
After 17 years of marriage, I realized that God wasn’t going to save my marriage. Instead, God was going to free me from it. Being single again was not part of my hopes and dreams. I hadn’t anticipated being a single mother of two teenagers. Having an uncertain future also did not figure in my plans.
The events that caused the most significant change happened a while later. Within 9 months, my children moved more than 3000 km away. My parents had been living down the street and around the corner. They had to make a change after my father’s stroke. They moved to an assisted living place more than 2 hours’ drive away. I experienced feelings of emptiness, especially in the empty spaces.
After my adventure at 21 years old, I was rehired in the hospital where I had worked before I left. After my marriage ended, I understood that the change was necessary. After my children and parents moved away, I also decided to move. My life took on a different dimension in ways I had not imagined. God knows the end from the beginning and guides our steps.
The end of Genesis 1:2 reminds us that, amid the chaos in the beginning, “the Spirit of God was moving over the surface of the waters.” God is always with us.
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If we want to deal with the chaos in our lives, we must accept that life is painful and that we will have negative feelings. Haruki Murakami said, “While pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” Suffering happens if we ignore the pain. Acceptance requires us to trust that God is with us in our moments of pain, uncertainty, and joy. He is with us and loves us throughout our whole life journey.
There are some Bible verses that I have read repeatedly over the years. I hope they will bless you, too,
As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; Isaiah 66:13. When everything feels like it is “too much”, it is comforting to be sheltered in the arms of the Father.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18, 19 When the past needs to be left behind, we can be confident. God has prepared a path for us.
The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Isaiah 58:11. We can go forward with confidence.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6. Trusting that our Father God knows best gives us security and peace.
A prayer written by Ted Loder
O Lord, deepen my wounds into wisdom;
Shape my weakness into compassion;
Gentle my envy into enjoyment;
My fear into trust;
My guilt into honesty.
O God, gather me to be with You as You are with me.
This year marks the “anniversary” of two events: I was born seventy years ago, and my divorce was final twenty-five years ago. These events have me contemplating my life and how many events shaped who I am today.
“For me, becoming isn’t about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn’t end.” Michelle Obama.
Through all the changes and transitions in my life, I have recognized the blessing of a solid beginning. I was raised in Ontario by parents who loved and trusted God, each other and their children. They were active in their church and got along well with their neighbours. My life felt secure despite illnesses, accidents, and moves during my childhood.
An industrial accident shortened my father’s years as a farmer. But not before I had the opportunity to grow up in wide open spaces, roaming the woods to see wildflowers, hearing frogs croak in the pond, and learning the names of so many different birds and trees. My big sister loved sharing her knowledge with me. I knew where food came from and the importance of sunshine and rain for growing crops. I liked the solitude of wide open spaces among nature’s sights, sounds and smells.
Adjusting to city life at the age of nine was a challenge, but soon, we moved to the outskirts of town with new areas to explore. It was also during these years that I became a voracious reader. I decided that when I grew up, I would be a teacher and did some volunteer work at a local Christian school while I was in high school. But my sister started teaching before I went on to post-secondary education, and I changed my mind. I didn’t want a job with so much to do outside my work hours, and nursing seemed like a good choice.
Through these early years, I felt protected, safe, and secure. My parents’ love and protection gave me a secure place to grow up. I was taught that Jesus loves me and God has the whole world in His hands. The summer I was seventeen years old, I accepted Jesus into my heart, and His love for me became more than head knowledge.
Challenges Along the Way
The summer before I started nursing school I was on a SWIM (Summer Workshop in Ministries) with three other girls in an inner-city in Michigan. The things I experienced widened my worldview. In the early 1970s, most people I encountered at home were middle-class of European descent. In Michigan, we lived surrounded by lower-class Hispanic and black people. Children were often unsupervised, not crying when they fell, as no one paid attention. Interacting with the children was a highlight of our volunteer time.
Living in this neighbourhood was a different experience than where I lived in Canada. We always had to walk in twos and then only in daylight for our safety. In 1972, people still talked about the murders of Malcolm X and Martin Luther King. The war in Vietnam was still raging and we met a young man who had been drafted and had to report “to camp” the day after we saw him. It was a lot for me to absorb.
Our housing was with a young couple who lived in a poor neighbourhood. One evening, a man roamed our street with a gun, threatening people because he thought someone had “messed with” his wife while he was in jail. We were all told to lie on the floor and avoid the windows. Fortunately, the situation was resolved without incident. That evening, I needed my head knowledge that I could trust God to become heart knowledge. That was a growing process over several years.
In time, I realized that losing a constant sense of safety affected me more than I had appreciated. When I started nursing school in the fall, I had more challenges adjusting than I anticipated. Living in residence was the biggest hurdle. I craved “alone time” and could not find it when I was with my classmates “24 hours a day.” My parents found a place where I had room and board. Fortunately, even though I had little idea what nursing would be like, I liked learning how to care for patients for patients, both their physical and emotional needs.
I took the Registered Nurse program during the few years that a three-year program was condensed into two years, so school was intense. We started with a class of 56 students, and 32 students graduated. With my parents’ support, I completed the program. I think they knew, as I did, that if I got over the “school hurdle”, I would have a career I enjoyed.
When I had my first nursing job interview, I said that I wanted a job where I would get to know patients and their families. That remained true throughout the forty-four years that I worked. I supported people, taught them how to better care for themselves, and often spent time with them during their most difficult times. I met people from all walks of life and many nationalities. When I worked in Kingston Penitentiary, I learned that all the inmates I cared for had a story. Something had happened to trigger their slide into criminal activity. It all helped make me more accepting of people.
The rest of my life continued through all the years of nursing. The years of my marriage were challenging for me. There was the joy of motherhood when my two children were born, but also lots of busyness, a marriage separation, a move, building our own home, a lack of communication in our marriage, and feelings of little support from my spouse. By the end of seventeen years, I wasn’t coping with trying to make the marriage work, and the marriage ended in divorce. I wondered how I had let myself live in emotional chaos for so long. I needed a new path forward.
In the months following the end of my marriage, I had some counselling, I did a 12-step program for healing from emotional abuse, and I attended Divorce Care. The most significant healing came from recognizing that the joy of the Lord was my strength. I had never doubted that God was in control and that He walked with me each day. Putting that thought into the forefront of my mind made a big difference in my days. Annette, the nurse, had survived through those years, but Annette, the person, was finding herself again.
It wasn’t long before a challenging year happened. These things were happening around me and were beyond my control. First, both of my children moved to Calgary, Alberta. Soon after that, my father had a stroke, and my parents moved into long-term care. I decided to sell my home and move into an apartment. While living there, I focused on looking after myself. I paid more attention to my diet, walked, exercised, and improved my social life. I co-led a Grief Share group, a blessing to all who participated.
Going Where He Leads
Soon, however, I realized that I wanted a fresh beginning—a chance to create something new without the memories of the past. I joined my children in Calgary. It was good to renew relationships with my now-adult children. After working in a hospital for a while, I got a job in long-term care in a 77-bed dementia unit. I was reminded of the Maya Angelou quote, “People may not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel.” It was good to become more aware of the impression I made on people. One gentleman wanted me to tuck him into bed. A woman wanted to be sure I would come to her birthday party. I doubt she knew when her birthday was, but I was honoured to be asked,
After two years of going out for dinner together, on road trips, and on shopping expeditions, my children moved away for educational pursuits. I wanted them to pursue their dreams, too. It was right and good.
Soon, I was looking to move again and did not want to return to Ontario. I went further west to BC, where I had family and friends. This move was for “me.” I wasn’t sure what I would discover about myself or the world, but returning to Ontario felt like going backwards.
Whenever I wanted or needed a new nursing position, I found one without difficulty. My nursing career had been the right choice. Soon I was working in a hospital. I began attending Recovery Church with a friend. I was introduced to people who were rebuilding their lives after addiction and others who were now leading productive lives with joy. I helped with Bus Ministry for a while, using my car to drive a few people to Recovery Church. We had the best conversations as we were cocooned in that space together and lots of laughter.
I also got involved with Alpha, a course that creates space for conversations about faith, life, and God. I became more comfortable talking to others about God and firmer in my faith. I was spreading my wings in ways I had never imagined. In some situations, there was a learning curve. I didn’t want to offend anyone; my friend helped me several times in those situations. I had friends of several cultures and life circumstances. This, too, felt right and good.
Then there were the years of Covid, and everything slowed down for a while. Once I got active again, I started volunteering at the Surrey Urban Mission (SUMS), serving breakfast once a week, which I still do. Some of our guests show me what some of my Recovery church friends used to live like. Because I’ve seen proof that there can be freedom after addiction, I can approach the guests with hope. I appreciate the interactions and the friendships that are forming. It’s good when someone no longer needs our services because they have moved on to a recovery center or found housing or their financial situation has improved.
When serving our guests at SUMS, I intentionally try to interact with them. I want them to know that someone sees them. Slowly, I am getting to know more of their names and life circumstances. I enjoy engaging with the staff, other volunteers, and the guests.
Looking back, I see God’s gentle hand leading me forward one step at a time. I had never anticipated being single again for so many years or moving so far west. Not all the roads were easy, and I didn’t always understand where and why I was going. Sometimes, I got frustrated when my life seemed stagnant and became impatient. Later, I realized that the timing wasn’t right for change sooner. My Father, God, knew best.
Working in a dementia unit felt like a detour at the time, but I think that working there made me more patient, tender, and compassionate. It also made me more aware of the profound effect of kindness. Through the years, I have moved from living with mostly people of European descent to a multicultural area where I live now. I have had opportunities to walk closely with prisoners and the homeless, with people who are ill and people who are addicted. All of them appreciated attention and kindness. May I continue to walk gently with others –and myself.
“It’s all a process, steps along a path. Becoming requires equal parts patience and rigor. Becoming is never giving up on the idea that there’s more growing to be done.” Michelle Obama.
When contemplating my next blog post, “gentleness” resonated with me. As I soon discovered, it’s a concept that is universally acknowledged as a need in our world today.
What is gentleness?
Gentleness is a strength, a strength of character. It encompassesmany parts of our personality, such as humility (having a quiet ego, being down to earth), forgiveness (being quick to let things go) and kindness (having a soft and supportive demeanour). Dr. Ryan M. Niemiec says that perhaps gentleness is the ultimate “other-oriented strength”.
Gentleness and Others
When we are gentle towards others, we show them love and respect and lay the foundation for stronger relationships. We can communicate more effectively in a safe and trusting environment and resolve conflict more quickly.
It’s easy to feel like “tender” people should toughen up. This way of thinking will not foster closer relationships with people, and some of this behaviour may seem abusive to others. People are drawn to kindness and understanding.
Gentle people intentionally avoid causing other people distress.
Gentleness and Ourselves
When we are gentle to ourselves, we don’t strive for perfection. We do the best we can in any situation. Some days all we can do is get through the day, and that’s okay.
To be gentle to ourselves, we need to know ourselves. What priorities do we have? What things should we say “no” to? It is essential to take care of ourselves in a way that is unique to who we are. We should focus on the people and things that are important to us and make time for ourselves to enjoy who we are
We can be gentle to ourselves through our interactions with others. When provoked, reacting with gentleness keeps our mind at peace and prevents the unsettledness of anger and resentment.
Gentleness and Nature
Nature gives to every time and season
some beauties of its own;
and from morning to night,
as from cradle to the grave,
it is a succession of changes
so gentle and easy that
we scarcely mark their progress.
~ Charles Dickens
May we strive to calmly “go with the flow”.
Faith Notes
Jesus said, “Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
Jesus showed us how a life can be lived with kindness, tenderness, compassion, humility and purpose.
Gentleness begins with how we feel about ourselves. When we follow Jesus, “Our worth comes from who we are in Christ. We are loved by Him, we are redeemed, we are His children for whom he gave His life so that we can be reconciled to the Father. That is how God sees us, worthy of the greatest sacrifice. And that is how we should view ourselves too, through the eyes of our Lord.”~ taken from Faithfood.blog. https://faithfood.blog/2023/03/31/finding-your-worth-in-christ/#:~:text=Our%20worth%20comes%20from%20who,the%20eyes%20of%20our%20Lord.
There are lots of memories surfacing these days because on June 14, 2024, it will be 50 years since my nursing class graduated. We graduated from Public General Hospital School of Nursing in Chatham, ON and from St. Clair College (Windsor, ON) Thames Campus. We started our classes at a hosptial school of nursing and ended them at a community college. Nursing schools transitioned from hospitals into Community Colleges in 1973. Two things have changed over the years. It now takes a 4-year University degree to become a Registered Nurse (I was in a two year program) and more males are entering the field of nursing (I had 2 males in my class).
This photo shows some of my name tags: Miss A. Batterink (nursing school) A. Westra (Kingston Penitentiary) and my last one, Annette (Fraser Health Authority for my positions at Surrey Memorial Hospital and Newton Home Health, BC). They also tell a story of how differently nurses were addressed through the years.
My Transitioning Career (skip this part if it’s too boring)
Over 44 years, I worked in 12 different institutions in 4 provinces.
Hamilton General Hospital ON– Neurosurgery and Burn Unit -July 1974-June 1978*
Kyle-White Bear Union Hospital SK– general nursing -Sept. 1975- Oct. 1975* (more about that later).
Sarnia General Hospital ON -casual float nurse -(July 1978 – May 1979)
St. Jospeh’s Hospital, London ON- urology unit -June 1979 – July 1980
Kingston General Hospital ON – casual part-time float -Oct. 1980 – Sept. 1981
Kingston Penitentiary ON -Operating Room- Feb. 1984 – Aug. 1986
Hotel Dieu Hospital, Kingston ON – Surgical Intensive Care- Sept. 1984- Aug. 1986
Strathroy Middlesex General Hospital ON– Medical Floor and ICU/CCU – Sept 1986 – April 2008
Foothills Hospital, Calgary AB- Respiratory Medicine and Thoracic Surgery – part-time- May 2008 – Feb. 2009
Bow Crest Nursing Home-Calgary AB – part-time evening nurse dementia unit – March 2009 – April 2010.
Surrey Memorial Hospital BC– casual position (medical floors) -May 2010 – April 2013
Newton Home Health, Fraser Health Authority BC – April 2013- Sept. 2018
“As a nurse, we have the opportunity to heal the heart, mind, soul and body of our patients, their families and ourselves. ~ Maya Angelou
When I had my interview for my first nursing job, I said that I wanted to work in an area where I would get to know patients and their families. My first assignment was on a neurosurgical unit at Hamilton General Hospital. It was an intense place to work. Patients included those with brain tumours, new paraplegics & quadriplegics and semi-comatose patients with little hope of recovery. There were also frequent deaths. Giving emotional support in so many diverse situations stretched me in ways I had never anticipated. At the end of a year, I was ready for a change. It was an idea that my head nurse celebrated as she felt all new nurses should explore nursing.
I decided on a big transition and applied for a position I read about in The Canadian Nurse. However, between the time I was accepted for the position and the time I arrived in *Kyle SK, there was a change in doctors. The present doctor had few privileges. I felt bored and isolated and when I was offered another position at the hospital I had just left, I returned to Hamilton General Hospital, this time to the Burn Unit.*
The Burn Unit was also an intense place to work, with sometimes heart-breaking situations. Sometimes multiple members of the same family were admitted and not all of them survived. One of those people was Ronnie. He was 17 years old. His cousin’s clothes caught on fire while working in a garage. Ronnie used a fire blanket to put out his cousin’s burning clothes. There wasn’t a second blanket for when Ronnie’s clothes caught fire, too. He was severely burned. He survived for several weeks. Ronnie was a Christian and he knew I was, too. One quiet night, near the end of Ronnie’s life, I sat at his bedside for a few minutes. Ronnie said, “Annette, it’s ok if I die. I’m ready and my cousin isn’t”. I was 23 years old at that time, and Ronnie’s words have always stayed with me.
Two things changed for the better soon after I started working at Hamilton General. One was switching from glass IV bottles to IV bags. No more crashing bottles on the floor as patients stumbled out of the bathroom (We often had patients with delerium tremens on our unit). The other good change was no longer using mercury thermometers: rectal and oral ones. We spent too much time chasing those little balls of mercury around on the floor when a thermometer broke.
“Transitions are a time for reflection and a time for looking forward” ~ Roy Cooper
During these years (except for my time in SK, of course), I was living at home with my parents. It was a blessing to be so well cared for while I was transitioning into my new profession. After four years at home, I was ready to move on, but not as big a change as my venture to SK. I moved into my first apartment in Sarnia,ON. A city where I had gone to elementary school and high school. It was also close enough to spend time at my favourite lake, Lake Huron.
I worked at Sarnia General Hospital. I had a casual float position. I smiled when I had opportunities to work in the area where the delivery rooms had been when I was born. To better position myself for a full-time job, I took an in-house Critical Care course on my own time, giving up opportunites to earn money when I went to classes. They promised that we would get full-time positions on completion of the course work. That promise was broken—and I moved on again.
Transition 2
My next stop was a full-time position on a 44-bed urology unit in St. Jospeh’s Hospital in London, ON. I learned skills that would be useful later and enjoyed working with the young nurses who were my colleagues. I left when I got married and moved to Kingston, ON.
Transition 3
I had more transitions as I adjusted to life in Kingston, to life as a wife and soon to life as a mother. During my years in Kingston, I first worked as a casual float nurse at Kingston General Hospital. KGH is a teaching hospital and I learned “lots” and enjoyed the many new situations I was exposed to. I was blessed to have supportive staff help me in each new situation.
My children were born 18 months apart, so these were busy years. My first “back to work” position after my second child was born, was in the Operating Room at Kingston Penitentiary: every week on Wednesday. Working in “the Pen” was a unique experience. Getting to know our inmate orderlies and reading the files of those who came for surgery helped me recognize that every one of us “has a story”. After a few months, I also started working a casual position at Hotel Dieu Hospital in Kingston in their Surgical Intensive Care unit.
I had a huge transition in 1986 —a separation in my marriage – and a move to Strathroy, ON which is a 5-hour drive from Kingston, but where my sister and her family lived. (My husband joined the children and me 6 months later)
I worked at Surrey Memorial Hospital for 22 years in various part-time and full-time positions, in the Medical Unit and in ICU/CCU. It was my first time working 12-hour shifts. Strathroy was a good community to be part of and looking after “the locals” was a positive addition to the job.
Let us never consider ourselves finished nurses. We must be learning all our lives. ~ Florence Nightingale.
All through these years, continuing education was a must. I learned how to do blood sugar testing (glucometers), how to do chest assessments to listen for abnormalities using a stethoscope. I learned how to stick needles into veins to start intravenous therapy and how to do sterile dressing changes for PICC lines (Peripherally inserted central line) and for central lines. There were many specialty skills I needed to use when working in ICU/CCU.
We seldom wore gloves in the early 70s. With the passing years, gloves were being worn more and more often. And soon nurses were using lots of hand sanitizer.
Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomfort. ~ Arnold Bennett
During my career, I found it stressful when changes were made to the way we had to deliver care. When I initially worked in nursing, we followed the team nursing model of care. A team worked together to get the care done for a certain group of patients. In my last hospital job, we did total patient care. A nurse was responsible for all the care for his/her patients. I found that in Team Nursing I had to keep track of details for too many patients. In Total Patient Care it was sometimes hard to find the help I needed when I needed it.
My favourite way of doing patient care was a hybrid of team nursing and total patient care. We had some variations of that while I worked in Strathroy. I liked to know which patients I was responsible for, but I also liked to have another nurse or nurses on my team that knew we would work together when needed. I knew who was assigned to cover me for my breaks. Another thing we did on the medical unit was “rounds”. All available nurses going through the unit together getting patients up or back to bed. I enjoyed seeing the other patients I wasn’t assigned to.
John C. Maxwell said that “Teamwork makes the dream work”.
There were a big personal changes while in Strathroy
During these years, I divorced and adjusted to “single-again” me. My children completed post-secondary education, and both moved to Calgary, AB. I found out that Alberta had great part-time rotations and even better benefits. I decided it was time for a change. After spending 22 years working with many of the same people, I missed them. But I was ready to move forward into what God had next for me. I am thankful for any connections I still have.
Forgive yourself; you are not perfect. Show yourself grace; you are still learning. Show yourself patience; you are on a journey. ~ Shannon Yvette Tanner
When you first start nursing you are a “novice nurse” but as you gain experience, you work towards being an “expert nurse”. During my many job changes through the years, I was able to adjust out of the novice stage within a reasonable time frame, and start to feel comfortable.
When I moved to Calgary, I worked 8-hour shifts on a Respiratory Medicine and Thoracic Surgery unit at Foothills Hospital. Their nursing model was a bit different than I had previously experienced; it was the first time I worked with care aides.
I had often worked on medical units, so respiratory medicine wasn’t too big a challenge for me. However, this was my first time working with thoracic surgery patients and the unique situations that this involved : chest tube removals, strict pain control and post-op care.
Another challenge for me was that the staff turnover on the unit was great. This affected me and all the new nurses; some were novice nurses. I could answer some of the novice nurses’ questions but didn’t always get my own questions answered. After 9 months, I realized I “wasn’t having fun”. So, I resigned. Years before my father had told me that if I wasn’t having fun, I should find something else to do. I could, so I did!
I took a month of vacation, traveling to visit family and friends. When I got back to Calgary, I had a message on my answering machine to set up an interview for another job. Through all the challenges and changes, I was blessed that every time I needed or wanted another job, I was able to find one.
They may forget your name, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou
Soon I was working in a part-time evening position on a 77-bed dementia unit at Bow Crest Nursing Home. I enjoyed most aspects of that job, but especially tucking people into bed at night. One sweet memory is about a resident named Betty. Betty had quite advanced dementia but was still able to peddle herself around the unit in her wheelchair. There was a time when I didn’t see her for a few days because I was assigned to other patients, but Betty found me. She peddled up to me and said” If I have a birthday party, will you come?” She didn’t know my name, she probably didn’t know when her birthday was, but she considered me her friend. Such an honour.
“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end” ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca.
My children had both moved away from Calgary and I had family and friends in BC, so, without a job or a place to live, I moved there. I lived with friends initially, but soon had a job and my own apartment.
I worked 12 hour shifts at Surrey Memorial Hospital (SMH), floating to various medical units. Initially I worked day and nights shifts, but eventually was able to get enough work by only working days shifts. At SMH, the physiotherapists were more involved with the patients’ care. The multidisciplinary model of care was new for me – the added input to my patients’ care was appreciated.
One skill I learned at SMH was how to do peritoneal dialysis- a treatment for kidney failure that uses the lining of your abdomen, or belly, to filter the blood inside of your body. It can be done at home or another appropriate place by the person needing treatment.
To All Good Things There Comes an End
My final job change in my career was when I started working at Newton Home Health (NHH). During my interview for my first job, I had said that I wanted a position where I could get to know patients and their families. Over the years, hospital nursing became too busy for me to feel that connection. So even though, I didn’t too often see the same clients again and again, I enjoyed once again having an opportunity for better one-on-one communication with the people I cared for.
There was a bigger learning curve than I had anticipated in doing home health nursing. The efforts towards the adjustment were worth it. Because NHH and SMH were both part of the Fraser Health Authority, my seniority moved with me. This made it easier for me to pick the shifts I wanted to work; a surprise that was a blessing.
In the fall of 2017, I had surgery with some complications. For several months afterwards, I tried to get “back into the groove”. I worked some shifts, but thinking about needing to work the next day became stressful. Eventually I had to admit to myself that trying to get back to work was sabotaging my recovery. I resigned in the fall of 2018.
Life has a different rhythm now. I like being able to set my own pace and get involved with what I want to be involved in. I do some volunteer work; I am a member of a ladies’ group at church and I am finding time for my hobbies. I am thankful for the years that I could spend time with patients and their families. Their stories have added to the richness of my story.
Dr. Timothy Keller said that “Biblical justice requires that every person be treated according to the same standards with the same respect, regardless of class, race, ethnicity, gender, or any other social category.”
Justice looks like treating everyone with fairness. It’s not about exacting vengeance. ““Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord “. (Romans 12:19) It’s not about judging others. “Judge not, that you be not judged.” (Matt. 7:1)
It is about loving our neighbour as ourselves. (Matt. 22:39).
What does peace look like?
The word “shalom” is found many times in the Hebrew text of the Old Testament. It is sometimes translated as “peace” or “welfare”. Nicholas P. Wolterstroff says in the book “Call for Justice” that he prefers the word “flourishing”. “Flourishing” can be described as healthy, propering, thriving, successful.
“Shalom consists of flourishing in all dimensions of our existence: in our relations to our fellow human beings, in our relations to the physical world, in our relations to God, in our relations to the artifacts and institutions created by human being and even in our relations to ourselves.” ~ (pg. 116 “Call for Justice” by Kurt Verbeek and Nicholas P. Wolterstroff.)
When I think of an organization that works towards flourishning, I think of the Association for a More Just Society (https://www.asj-us.org/). One of their initiatives is in the field of education. Recently , After the beginning of this school year,I got this update: I am so happy to report that 58 school days later, not a single day of class has been canceled and 2 million children have had a nutritious lunch every day. If this keeps up, these children will be in school for more than 200 days! And since the majority of children in public schools live below the poverty line, 200 days in school means 200 days of learning, 200 days of healthy lunch, and 200 days in a safe place protected from threats they may face in their neighborhoods or homes. What an opportunity for flourishing for the children of Honduras.
Justice and Peace
Without justice there can be no peace, and without peace there and be no justice. How can I make a difference?
Recently, I read this prayer by Pete Greig (Lectio 365, May 28, 2024).
God of justice and mercy, as I open my heart to You now, comfort me where I’m unsettled and unsettle me where I’m comfortable. Challenge me and change me, disturb and rearrange me, not for my own sake but for the sake of those who are hurting and helpless, ostracized and oppressed. Amen
I am challenged by this prayer.
What about me?
When I think of something that unsettles me, one thing I think of is bullying — verbal, physical, emotional or religious bullying. I want to be able to react in better ways when I, or someone else, experiences unfairness by another in this way..
I feel comfortable in a safe, familiar place, but I don’t want to be so comfortable that I resist moving from that place. It’s important that I look beyond myself to see the needs of others, the need for care and inclusion.
I need to see what I haven’t been seeing, to recognize where the things that I consider “normal” are “abnormal”. I need to recognize the places where I’m convinced my thinking is right, but it’s not.
I don’t want to be so busy looking ahead that I don’t look around me. It’s easy to miss the opportunities that God places around me every day. Rearrange my priorities. The little things matter if I want to show love to my neighbour.
Living in a right relationship with God, others and our communities requires the active pursuit of peace. ~ Emily Steen.
There are many ways we can work to bring shalom on earth: any occupation, any human interaction, any care for the planet, any prayer to our loving Father in heaven can add to the flourishing of others.
My personal efforts for peace and justice don’t feel like much sometimes. I help serve breakfast at a Meal Program once a week, being intentional about connecting with people when I can. I try to remember to smile at people when I pass them as I walk out and about. I try to offer words of encouragement when an opportunity arises. I volunteer at Recovery Church https://www.clachurch.com/recovery-church.
It’s awesome when God shows me or reminds me that somehow, I have made a bit of a difference in someone’s life. May I become more and more aware of opportunities to help people flourish. May my actions be more intentional.
Were we really meant to rush with abandon toward some earthly hilltop finish line? Or was God telling us something in those whispers of “be still”, that all along, it was necessary to slow down, trust and heal”. ~ Morgan Harper Nichols
Fifteen years ago, I started a correspondence that continues to this day (though now we sometimes have in-person visits, too). The verse that started our connections was Psalm 46:10~ Be still and know that I am God. This phrase still comes up often in our conversations. Therefore, when I read the above quote, I wanted to explore it further.
Slow down
Carl Honore says that “the great benefit of slowing down is reclaiming the tranquility to make meaningful connections -with people, with culture, with work, with nature, with our bodies and minds.” Corrie ten Boom once said that if the devil cannot make you sin, he will make you busy. Busyness separates us from so many things that can enrich our lives. Busyness separates us from God and others.
Psalm 23:2,3 tells us that to refresh our souls, the Lord, our Shepherd “makes us lie down in green pastures, He leads us beside quiet waters.” We need time to re-focus, to spend quality time with others, to be still and know that He is God. In the stillness, in the quiet, He is there.
It was a very busy time when I first had my own home after my divorce. I had two children at home and was working as many nursing shifts as I could. I will always be thankful that we had a dog that needed to be taken for walks. It was my chance to get away from the busyness at home and get out into nature. Later, I made the choice to take time to read a book one morning a week. Mini-escapes can be important.
Trust
Long ago, when the Israelites were nearing the Red Sea, the Egyptians were pursuing them. They felt trapped and afraid and wished they had stayed in Egypt. They were told “The Lord Himself will fight for you. Just stay calm. (Exodus 14:14 NLT). Not only did God part the waters of the seas so the Israelites could walk through on dry land, He also drowned the enemy that was pursuing them. Be still, the Lord will fight for you.
In another situation, David was being hunted by his enemies. He had to wait patiently for the Lord to act, knowing that God “had his back.” David wrote Psalm 37:7~ Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.” It can be hard to wait. We feel like we have to DO SOMETHING! Learning to trust God in small situations makes it easier to trust Him on the big things, too.
Staying calm in a tough situation isn’t easy for me. However, when I worked as a nurse, I had to be sure that my anxiety wasn’t transmitted to my patients. Pause, take a deep breath and do the most important thing first.
Heal
Mary Beth Eiler wrote Stillness leads to clarity as we uncover what was holding us back and how to move forward. Stillness replenishes us and creates space to hear our own thoughts. Stillness is the mediator between what we feel and our ability to express it.Stillness is where we grow quiet enough to hear God’s voice and remember we are Beloved.
To truly begin to walk toward healing, we must willingly engage in the practice of stillness as we come to terms with the reality of our present.
Many changes happen in our bodies when we calm ourselves. These changes are healthier for our hearts and our minds.
When I was diagnosed with thyroid disease, I had to learn to put more importance on my health. Diet, exercise, getting outdoors and spending time with family and friends all became important.
Final words
I am retired now and taking time for myself can be a challenge. I think “I’m not busy” or “I don’t have a lot to do” and fritter away too much of my time. It doesn’t feel good to have days when I feel like I’ve accomplished “nothing”.
I am becoming aware of the importance of having some routines in my life. Days that I plan to accomplish household tasks, set time apart to volunteer, make more effort to connect with family and friends and getting exercise consistently. When I have scheduled things to do, I feel like I am taking “me” time when I do something for myself. I am thankful that my days are starting to have some rhythm. When life feels eheavy and hard, I know I need to look to the Master,
And Jesus said: “Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light.
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