My Tapestry Blog

Don’t Ask “Why”, Ask “How”.

Don’t ask “why”, ask “how” …. “how can I glorify You?”

This past week a friend went through a very traumatic experience — a life-changing experience. Sometimes it is hard to understand why God lets these things happen. I have so many questions and so few answers. I cry, I get angry, I try to run away from the tough realities of life. Through it all, I know that God is love, that He has a purpose and a plan, but my human mind wants to understand.

Several years ago, I listened to a man with cerebral palsy speak about the challenges in his life. He said, “I don’t ask ‘why’. I ask “how can I glorify God?'” At the time, I was going through the first weeks of being a single-again parent. Listening to that man speak didn’t change my circumstances but it helped change my perspective. I needed to remember that today. I needed to remember that God is still in the business of making beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:3).

In Psalm 56: 8, it says that God keeps track of all my sorrows, He collects all my tears in His bottle and He has recorded each one in His book. God doesn’t say we shouldn’t mourn and grieve. He cares about our pain– He remembers our pain. In Ecclesiastes 3 I read that there is a season for everything, including a “time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance”. I will always go through seasons in my life.

But somehow after a big trauma, I have to decide to move on into a season of restoration, of no longer looking back, but of figuring out how God wants me to use the lessons I have learned for His glory. I have to trust that God will lead me into that place in His time. I also have to trust that the plans He has for me will suit me perfectly if I follow Him step-by-step, trusting Him as I move along.

In Isaiah 43:18.19 I read “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland”. In my personal experience, when I began to believe that God was doing something new, I didn’t notice the “wilderness” and the “wasteland” so much. I became more aware of the “way” and the “streams”.

So, today, I pray for those who are looking for hope for the future. Trust that God will surround you with His loving care during your season of weeping and mourning. But also trust that God has plans for your tomorrows that will make beauty from ashes. May you become more aware each day of the “way” (the path God is leading you on); and the “streams” (the refreshing He is bringing to your soul).

The Joy of the Lord

During the past years of my life, God has richly blessed me through His Word, but also through the wise words of others. One evening in 1998,shortly after the end of my marriage, I read a quote that greatly blessed me. “Happiness is elusive and can be wiped out in a minute, but joy from the Lord is like a deep river down in your heart that just keeps flowing.” (Barbara Johnson)(1). I was overwhelmed when I realized that even though in many ways I felt like my world was falling apart, I was still experiencing the joy of the Lord — that joy was my strength.

It was a number of year later when I read the words of another woman who described that “joy” so well. Mary Southerland says it better than I can, so I will use her words:”Joy is not the result of outward circumstances. Joy is an inside job, a deeply rooted confidence that God is in control. Every trial or loss, every defeat or victory measured against this confidence can be counted as joy.”(2)

Today it is 2017 and my mind went back ten years to 2007. In my journal, I decided that my theme for 2007 would be “the joy of the Lord is my strength.” I had just gone through another difficult time. While I was still living in Ontario, my children both moved from Ontario to Alberta. Then my father had a stroke and my parents moved to a long term care facility in a town a two hour drive away. And I decided to sell my home. Yet, that confidence remained. I am writing these words to remind myself.

I can decided to take God at His word when He says in Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Life has many ups and downs. Sometimes it’s hard to see how God is weaving the threads of my tapestry into anythings that makes sense. Fears overwhelm and worry keeps me from sleeping. When I face the storm, I can only see the storm, but when I turn to my loving Father, He shelters me in His arms. He reminds me that He is in control and I can feel that river of joy flow.

Yes, I can choose joy.

(1) Barbara Johnson, The Joy Journal, Kindle edition, [Nashville, Tennessee:Thomas Nelson Inc.(1996)

(2)Mary Southerland, “Choose Joy”, Girlfriends in God, January 26, 2016, http://girlfriendsingod.com/choose-joy/

Christian Co-dependency: Recognizing Unhealthy Relationship Patterns

On her website Change My Relationship, http://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Karla Downing says that “when people are ‘codependent’ in their personal relationships, it means they have an unhealthy way of reacting to other people”. Some people do too much for other people and others let people do too much for them. Neither is healthy. On her website, Karla has “Seven signs you are a Christian co-dependent” and I encourage you to look for those if you have questions about your personal relationships.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mqEHt1FjnA

One of the challenges as a Christian is that I know God calls me to help others. In my mind I can justify the many “extra” things I do for someone else. Sometimes, I am not helping others in a positive way though. I am preventing the other person for reaching his/her full potential because of the opportunities, good or bad, that I don’t allow that person to have.

Doing too much for the other person can be confusing for them. Because if I don’t trust them to accomplish a task, they don’t trust themselves either. The lines become blurred about what is my responsibility and what is their responsibility. In time, the other person may just allow me to do more and more for him/her. They may not really appreciate it, but they allow it. Then … I become frustrated because I am doing so much, but am not appreciated

In this situation, it is very easy to ignore my own needs. The Bible says to love God above all and our neighbours as ourselves, but I may have no idea of what that might look like. As I strive harder and harder to be loving and giving and serving and encouraging, I may become very exhausted. Once I’m exhausted, I start to feel guilty because I am no longer meeting all the needs that others allow me to try to meet.

Is this the example Jesus gave? It was an eye-opener when I read the gospels with the idea of following Jesus’ example in His relationships. I realized that Jesus rested, He walked away from some people, He threw out the money changers; He set boundaries.

Slowly, I came to realize that I need to care for myself emotionally, physically and spiritually if I want to be all that I can be for God. When I take care of myself, I am better able to be a positive influence in the lives of others. When I take care of myself, I can spread more peace and joy and laughter. I more easily reflect Jesus in me.

Matthew 5:14-16 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven”.

(Just some random thoughts on something I’ve learned while living life)

About Me: Embracing God’s Tapestry of Life

There are threads that remind me that God was preparing me for the tough times before they even happened; threads filled with pain that still bring tears to my eyes; threads that bring back memories that make me smile and bring joy to my day. In the Weaver’s design, there are no mistakes. The Weaver loves me and I trust Him more and more.

I am a single-again mother of two; a son and a daughter. I was a registered nurse for many years, a career that I (mostly) enjoyed. I enjoy walks in nature, connecting with people and doing my best to be a light in the world God has places me in.

God is still teaching me lessons that help me “function better” in His world. I appreciate His tenderness and care as He reveals new truths to me.

Sharing my writing more widely is one of the surprising patterns of my life. First I wrote a book and now I am starting a blog. Only God knows what this part of my tapestry will look like — an adventure with Him.

I thank God for blessing me and for joy in the journey.

Trusting God Through Adversity: A Story of Hope and Faith

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it, ~ Mary Engelbreit

When I read this quote a few days ago, it reminded me of a story I read about my father. One day, towards the end of his life, when my sister was visiting, Dad first quoted Psalm 27:1 and then Psalm 23:6. “The LORD is my light and my salvation — whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life — of whom shall I be afraid? Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.”

Dad’s life hadn’t been easy. He had been a young man in occupied Holland during WWII, had immigrated to Canada so he might be able to fulfill his dream of owning a farm. He had to sell that farm after a few short years because of an industrial accident and then searched for several years to find a job that his pain would allow him to do. He had cancer, a stroke and declining mobility in his later years. Yet, he had trusted God was in control of his life, past present and future.

It made me reflect on my own life. What is my attitude like when I face feelings of rejection, the fear of failure or when life seems dark and grey? Am I trusting that God is the light of my life and my strong place?

Towards the end of my marriage, I was doing a cross stitch sampler of Psalm 23:6. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to complete it. I didn’t feel like “goodness and mercy” were following me then and I wondered if that would ever change. That was eighteen years ago now and that sampler has had a prominent place in wherever I’ve lived for many years.

It’s easier for me to see God’s hand on my life when I’m looking back than to trust Him for today and tomorrow. Slowly, it’s becoming easier to let the lessons learned yesterday affect the way I feel about today. Praise God, He isn’t finished with me yet. He is changing my heart.

God, the Designer

The threads of the tapestry of my life start long before I was born and go on into eternity. Through brilliant colour and dark hues, knots and zigzag lines, God is creating a picture that only He could design. In the Weaver’s design, there are no mistakes. There are threads that remind me that God was preparing me for the tough times before they even happened; threads filled with pain that still bring tears to my eyes; threads that bring back memories that make me smile and bring joy to my day. Parts of the tapestry seem complete and parts are still being woven into surprising patterns. The Weaver loves me and I trust Him more and more.

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Why I wrote a book

My Tapestry – Experiencing the Love of the Designer

My father wrote an autobiography about the first seventy years of his life. It was a wonderful gift to his children and grandchildren. I thought about writing my life story “someday” for a long time. More than two years before the day, I noticed a 60^th Birthday card. The message was “In 60 years you can touch a lot of lives, you can share a lot of wisdom and you can bring a lot of joy — if you’re someone as special as you that is.” I knew then that it was time to start writing my story. I would use my 60^th birthday as the ending point.

For most of my life, I saved articles, report cards, greeting cards etc. They filled two medium sized storage crates. That first summer, I started my going though the items I had saved. It was fun and interesting until I got to the journals I had written during the nine years from the end of my marriage onward. I decided that I would start by writing the story of those years. I realized that part of me had become “stuck” in the past, waiting for the day when I would start writing.

Initially, I thought that my story would be for family like Dad’s had been — and maybe some friends, too. But as I was writing, I realized that others might benefit from reading parts of my story, too. I am a single-again mother of two adult children, a nurse and a recovering codependent. Many people’s lives have been affected directly or indirectly by one or more of those situations. My challenge was to include enough stories that I wanted to share with my family and still not bore others who might read my story. I hope I’ve accomplished some of that.

As I was writing, God helped me see wonders in the threads from my past that could only be by His design. He truly does know the end from the beginning. These are my experiences and I’ve related them honestly to the best of my ability. For various reasons, I’ve made attempts to protect the identity of some people.