Nursing Career Retrospective: Reflections and Retirement

with Dad and Mom -graduation 1974

Graduation Day — June 14, 1974. Retired — August 7, 2018

Nursing has been a great career for many years. During that time I worked in twelve different facilities in four provinces. I have worked in acute care, in critical care, in Kingston Penitentiary , in residential care and home health. Some jobs were stressful (any critical care job), some were emotionally draining (especially the Burn Unit), some where very busy (44 bed urology unit with multiple post-operative patients per day) and and working on a seventy-seven bed dementia unit had its own set of challenges.

For twenty-one of those years, I worked in a community hospital. I worked with many of the same staff members for many of those years, and got to know the patients and their families in a deeper way. It was a good place to be through the years when my children were growing up.

I ended my career in home health. It hadn’t been “my” plan to retire before my sixty-fifth birthday, but life sometimes unfolds with surprises. For the last few years, I had been working on a casual basis. On April 26 of this year, I left work early as I was feeling unwell— and have not returned since. It took a while to make the decision, but once I firmly decided to retire, I quickly transitioned into liking the idea.

It will be good to be able to focus on what I can do, instead of trying to return to a job that had become too challenging with my present health challenges. Throughout this time, God has been close and I feel Him leading me into a different tomorrow.

I am involved with my church, in helping my children and with pursing some hobbies. God’s plans for me will unfold for me as they should. There will be a life for me after nursing. It’s gonna be good!!

...all the days ordained for me were written in

your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139: 16b

Seeking God’s Love: Finding Peace and Joy through Trust and Rest

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:16-18

I Thessalonians 5: 16-18 were the words that greeted my morning today. After a few challenging weeks with my health, it was hard to read. Words like “always, “all, “God’s will” … really?? Today, too??

Often at times like that it is good to look back and remember times that seemed impossibly hard, but then….. After the end of my marriage, my ex. wanted the money from the matrimonial home. It took many months for the house to sell. During that time, I found a home the children and I liked. However, it was too expensive and didn’t have central air. Having air conditioning was very important living in SW Ontario– plus I was a shift working nurse and needed to be able to sleep during the day.

Months went on and then… suddenly… within 48 hours… a house was sold and a house was bought!! And yes!!! It was the same house I had looked at months before. But now, the price of the home was lower and I had been able to save enough for air conditioning. Wow!! Awesome God!!

So, as I once again remember blessings-past, I can look at those words “always, “all, “God’s will” a little differently. I think that God “wills” me to remember that I can trust Him, that He is faithful, that I can talk to Him about any and all of my concerns because He wants me to. God wants to partner with me in my situation. There is peace and joy in that.

One other thing happened this morning. As I was thinking about not feeling well and the changes I am trying to make in my life, God whispered to my heart “It has taken much for Me to get your attention to take better care of yourself”. There is much love from my Father God in those words. To myself: Breath deeply — often– relax– you CAN do it!!

I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I do know that I want to do a better job of partnering with God in my health situation. May I more and more trust Him as I seek His direction and rest in His care.

What are you struggling with — physical, emotional, spiritual?? God is waiting to partner with you. His love for us is a REAL thing. Rest in Him.

Afternoon nap anyone??

Trusting God’s Plan: Embracing Life’s Interruptions

I feel kind of depressed today…Do you ever have the feeling that life has passed you by? Worse than that… I sometimes think that life and I are going in opposite directions. ~ Charles M. Schulz

I find it too easy to form an idea in my mind of what I think my life “should” be like. One change.from my original plans was obviously a good change. Growing up, I dreamed of becoming a teacher when I grew up. However, in my later teens, I decided to go into nursing instead. My nursing career has been a blessing to me in many ways. This brief, almost unnoticeable interruption, led me down a different path.

A life change that was difficult and I still don’t quite understand, was the end of my marriage. There have been times when moving forward felt more like trudging forward. The pain and devastation that comes from a broken family has affected us all. This interruption was a tearing up of “the plan”. It was a struggle to start over again with purpose.

“What one calls the interruptions are precisely one’s real life – the life God is sending one day by day.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Learning to accept the interruptions God sends into my life can sometimes be challenging. I say that I trust Him, but I want to understand what He is doing and why He is doing it. Many times I pray for a glimpse into the future. I need reassurance that everything is going to be OK. And… often God gives me that reassurance. I am discovering more and more that even when things don’t happen according to MY plan, all is well.

“The discipline of waiting build character and besides, rushing the process may lead to a path that misses God’s best.” Dr. Charles Stanley

Waiting to buy a new home for the children and I after my marriage ended was a difficult time of waiting. I hoped for a new beginning, but it was a LONG time coming. I found a house I liked, but it was to expensive and the house we were living in was not selling. After almost 1 1/2 years, within a week, one house was sold and another house was bought. We had a new home! The house that had been too expensive was at a lower price by then. God was so abundantly GOOD!!

Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. ~ Hebrews 10:35-36

There have been plans/dreams that God gives me and then I wait and wait. Waiting can become an interruption. It can cause a “pause” in the flow if my life. However, slowly, life experiences are helping me to live each day as He gives it to me, not matter what I think the future may hold. Sometimes life seems to progress slowly…. and sometimes I can’t keep up with all the changes. God’s timing is not my timing— and His ways are not my ways. May I live for Him each day with joy, knowing that His love for me is intricately woven through the tapestry of my life.

“If you’re God’s child, remember that your story is marching to an end that is glorious beyond the ability of your mind to conceive.” ~ Paul David Tripp

Trusting God’s Plan: Coping with Health Setbacks and Finding Hope

For a while, I have had health issues that have made me need to make adaptations to the way I live. Recently, I thought everything was improving, only to have some symptoms return. This was challenging for me.

About a week ago, I was listening to Jeremy Camp’s song “He Knows”. The words that impacted me the most were: “Let your burdens come undone..” I realized that if I wanted life to feel better, I had to DO something — to somehow change “something”.

“Beware of giving up too soon. Our emotions are not a reliable guide.” (John Piper). It is very difficult to have complete control my emotions. However, I am more able to have control over my actions. I am becoming more aware that my actions can change my emotions. As I change my focus, my adaptations become blessings because they make life feel better. I still pray for improvements in my health and for wisdom to make any changes to my lifestyle that might be helpful. However, my focus is slowly shifting towards the blessings I have instead of what I don’t have.

1- be confident that whatever is and whatever may be, God will be there. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

2- give control to God. The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still. Exodus 14:14

3- be aware of what my mind focuses on. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

4- trust the future to God Forget the former things; do not dwell on t.he past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18

And.. sharing these words by Charles Spurgeon because I couldn’t say it better myself. “The Christian knows no change with regard to God. He may be rich today and poor to-morrow; he may be sickly today and well to-morrow; he may be in happiness today, to-morrow he may be distressed–but there is no change with regard to his relationship to God. If he loved me yesterday, he loves me today. My unmoving mansion of rest is my blessed Lord. Let prospects be blighted; let hopes be blasted; let joy be withered; let mildews destroy everything; I have lost nothing of what I have in God. He is “my strong habitation whereunto I can continually resort.” I am a pilgrim in the world, but at home in my God. In the earth I wander, but in God I dwell in a quiet habitation. “From Morning and Evening – Feb. 27 (devotional )

Secure Fortress: Parenting Encouragement from Proverbs 14:26

He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress and for his children it will be a refuge ` Proverbs 14:26

There are so many times in life when I feel powerless as a parent. I see the struggles my children go through and some of their situations are made worse because of my actions. Their challenges are sometimes not that different from what mine have been, but I don’t want them to have those tough expediences.

I noticed the above scripture verse for the first time when my children were already grown. It was a comfort for me. It gave me hope that my life had been a benefit to my children in troubling times our family had experienced. It gives an added dimension to my role as a parent to my children.

This verse reminds me that my first focus needs to be on my relationship with God. This creates a secure fortress. I’m not exactly sure how that translates into making a refuge for my children, but God’s promises are true and I can trust that He will work that out!! (I think that I get in God’s way too often).

God loves me and my children more than I could ever imagine. I can lay my burdens down at His feet and lift my hands in praise.

Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— Psalm 103:1,2

Finding Hope and Healing: 4 Steps to Overcome Darkness

There are many situations that can cause darkness in our lives — depression, a sudden life change (death of a loved on, divorce, miscarriage, broken trust, health issues), situations beyond our understanding were we can only say “God is God and I am not”…..

When I was doing research for my book, I found four steps for “coming out of the dark”, and then, in two different articles, found supporting scripture texts for those steps. I found that those steps fit perfectly into my personal experience. Finding my “way out” after my divorce was a journey with God. God, meeting me at the point of my need every step of the way. And so… I will share.

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Wait- I will give you treasure of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord the God of Israel, who summons you by name. Isaiah 45:3. It was during those dark days of tears, brokenness and despair that God began to pour His love over me by reminding me of times and situations that had been stored inside of me. He also blessed me when I listened to CDs that I had had for a long time, but now the words were just what I needed to hear. Time and again, God reminded me that my situation was no secret to Him. He had put events, people and things into my life for my time of need. God knew my name– He knew my need.

Cry out for help- I waited patiently for the Lord, He turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1. Soon, I wanted to “feel better”. My head was telling me to “get over it”, but my heart wasn’t ready. Fortunately, I was able to listen to my heart and wait on God. It was almost six months before I read the words of Isaiah 43: 18: Forget the former things.. and I knew that God was prodding me to start moving forward. During the next season, God placed people and situations in my life that gave me the courage to look at the possibility of a better tomorrow. Instead of being carried by God, I was trusting that I could walk where He led me.

Count on the Lord to come through- Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble and He saved them from distress and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Psalm 107:13-14. As I walked with Him, God led me into places and situations that were new and challenging. There were tough conversations with loved ones. I learned to let go of someone I had hoped was part of the long-term plan. I had to re-evaluate my strengths and priorities. I began to see who I was apart from everyone else. Memories of “distress and gloom” slowly became more distant. Life became richer and fuller and others began noticing the changes.

Be patient – Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6. As I became more aware of coming out of the darkness, I became more aware of the need to take care of “me”, especially physically. God had blessed me with His presence, comfort and care which helped me grow in my spiritual life. Then He had helped me break the chains of distress and deepest gloom, freeing me emotionally. But God’s “good work” in me also included my physical being. Awesome God to care for me in ways I had ignored for a long time. When He plans a “good work”, He knows all the ingredients that are needed to make it possible

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There were many factors that contributed to the situation I found myself in at the end of my marriage. God worked in powerful ways as I came out of the darkness. I learned lessons that will bless me for a lifetime. I’ve needed to apply them again and again as I walk towards that day of completion in Christ Jesus. With God’s help, it gets easier to focus on the destination as I enjoy the steps of the journey. Maybe God is whispering: Go forth and have FUN!!

Preserving Traditions: Finding Meaning in Christmas Celebrations

On the first Christmas, long ago, Jesus came to earth. The angels came and sang the joyful news to lowly shepherds who hastened to Bethlehem to see the baby lying in a manger. (Luke 2:8-16 & 20). It’s hard for me to imagine what that night must have been like — an amazing announcement by an angel followed by a choir of angels. It must have been so surreal, but still so real. They were blessed when they responded to God’s prompting and returned from Bethlehem “glorifying and praising God”. Awesome things happen when we have the courage to go where God leads and then see His blessings when we look in the rear view mirror.

The first Christmas celebrations that I remember where spent with my parents and siblings — and my church family. The evening our family opened our gifts also included a little program my siblings and I put on for our parents — a few Christmas carols and some readings. At church, the Sunday school program was attended by most members of the church — a special event separate from the Christmas service. My parents immigrated from the Netherlands two years before I was born, so our church family was a precious part of our lives. Our little “family program” and the Sunday school program helped us focus on the reason for the season. Our gifts were “things”, time and talents. It’s a blessing to have this foundation that helps me focus through the busyness and noise.

When my children were little, we always had a dinner for “just us” as well as time spent with extended family. We had lots of turkey some years. The year after the end of my marriage, my children and I had a dinner for three. Keeping that tradition was one of the easiest parts of that Christmas–everything else felt very wrong and broken. For several years after, Christmas remained a difficult time for our family — but we were still blessed by those dinners. Some people talk about the importance of creating new traditions after changes. For us, maintaining an old tradition was meaningful.

This year marks a different challenge. Busyness with many things and several events happening beyond my control. I’m needed to walk step-by-step, making choices about how to use my time and who to spend time with. At first I felt disappointed and overwhelmed. But, as time goes on, I realize that I am using my time and talents for others. If I am still and let God be God over my days, I am more aware of the reason for the season. Awesome things happen when I have the courage to go where God leads and then see His blessings when I look in the rear view mirror. May I go forward, “glorifying and praising God”.

May you and yours be richly blessed at Christmas and all through 2018.

P.S. Christmas dinner at our home was delicious again this year.

Trusting God’s Word: Light for the Journey

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path ~ Psalms 119:105. This was the verse in my inbox the other morning. For some reason, the words made my quirky mind think about camping — about taking a walk to a certain destination in the dark. Walking with my trusty flashlight, I could see into the distance to vaguely see where I was heading. The most important thing, though, was to shine the light down, so I could securely take the next step. God’s word can be like that. Some verses give me a vision of where I am going and some verses give me the message I need right here and now.

Several years ago, my father wrote a list of the scripture verses that were special to him. It’s a list I treasure. So, today, I am sharing a list of some of the verses that came to mind as I was writing my story – My Tapestry- Experiencing the Love of the Designer.

This first set of verses are for those times when I needed “light at my feet”.

When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. ~Psalm 94:18
I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. ~Psalm 40:1

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress.
He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, and broke away their chains. ~Psalm 107: 13-14

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~Isaiah 41:10

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. ~ Proverbs 3: 5-6

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” ~ Matthew 11: 28 – 30

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This second set of verses help me trust my unknown future.

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. ~ Psalm 62:8

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye upon you. ~ Psalm 32:8

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 1:6

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” ~ Jeremiah 17: 7-8

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11

And, finally, my “life verse”:
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. ~Psalm 23:6

My life’s journey has taken me to across the country and over the mountains. Through the years I’ve learned more life lessons and have found more wonderful truths in God’s word. God’s word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path – a path that leads to a heavenly destination!!

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, shine, shine
Let it shine!

Embracing Differences: Lessons of Acceptance and Growth

Last evening I attended a Cake Night event at a local Christian recovery house to support the artist who drew the pencil drawing attached to this blog post. It was a first time experience for me. There were many stories of how God changes lives and how a steadfast faith in God is needed in difficult battles in our lives. It was a blessing to have those truths reaffirmed.

However, there was another aspect that was talked about by many. The men talked about how their lives had been, and continue to be, affected by those around them. There were examples of mutual support and examples of wisdom shared. But for me, the most impressive, and perhaps life-changing, encounters these men had were something I hadn’t expected: learning to accept someone who is different. Stories were told of conflicts of various kinds and how adapting in these relationships led to gaining a friend and to personal growth.

Sharing my story is something I had to learn. For years, I hid the reality of my situation by pretending that everything was fine and my life was “normal”. Attending Divorce Care was a blessing. I felt a freedom to share there. Instead of looks of unbelief, there were knowing nods — and acceptance. There were many ways in which I was different from the others in my Divorce Care group, but by sharing what we had in common those differences didn’t matter. I hope that I can offer acceptance more and more in all situation; that my knowing nods can be about accepting the way the person feels without looks of unbelief.

There are still many layers of “my onion” that need to be removed. But one thing I am learning: as the layers are removed, I grow. I allow myself to grow into the person God intends me to be. There is power in sharing our situations, in working through difficult situations and in extending love and care to those we may not understand.

Matthew 25: 35 – 36 says: For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. There is no mention of “when I understood you or when you are worthy of my attention. Matthew 10:14 says: If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet. Sadly, sometimes we are not ready or are unwilling to accept the help that is offered.

Each of us has something to give. Each of us has lessons we still need to learn. That’s what I heard last evening. Stories shared about men who gave and who received. May we all open our hearts wide with willingness to give and receive.

Finding Strength and Hope Through Unexpected Challenges

Do you ever have those days when you feel stuck? Or you don’t know what to do next? Or you wonder if you should do something or nothing? I seem to have days, times, seasons like that. I know that others have walked similar paths. I have read or heard their stories and been encouraged. Right now, my life has taken an unexpected direction. I need to remember that “faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.” (Martin Luther King Jr.)

Almost a year ago, I had surgery to correct a condition I had. I thought that everything would be “normal” after that. I had complications during surgery, so initially, I thought I was recovering from surgery. After some time, I thought I had to recover from recovering. I started to make some lifestyle changes which seemed to make a difference, but I still struggled.

Recently, I’ve realized that my surgery has left me with a “permanent” less serious condition. However, it is life-changing and adjustments have to be made– physically and emotionally.

Dealing with my physical symptoms and changes has been a challenge. There have been many prayers by myself and others. The answer to those prayers hasn’t been total healing — a miraculous transformation of the changes that have been made to my body. The answers have come in quiet direction in various ways of how to live differently and more effectively with the “new me”. This is an ongoing process and I thank God for not giving up on me through my tears and frustration.

Looking at my future through a different lens is harder. Sometimes I feel like I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. “Am I depressed?”, I ask myself. I may be a bit depressed, though I believe it is more like a situational crisis. The Free Dictionary describes a situational crisis in psychiatry as “an unexpected crisis that arises suddenly in response to an external event or a conflict concerning a specific circumstance. The symptoms are transient, and the episode is usually brief”. I have to recognize that ignoring a molehill would not be a good idea.

It is taking a bit of time for me to refocus my life . In the past I have gone through a necessary divorce and a few major moves that I chose to make. God led me to and through those situations. I’ll admit that I am a bit blind-sided by what God is doing now. Trusting God and remembering His love for me gives strength and courage for each day.

I know that God knows exactly where I am and that His love for me and His plans for me have not changed. Slowly, I am starting to anticipate the “next steps” in a positive way. I am starting to recognize deep within that God has prepared me for this time — that different will be OK.

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.