Category: Life Lessons

Overcoming Life’s Challenges: Finding Strength and Hope in Tough Times

There are many times when life doesn’t happen the way we expect it to. We have a picture in our minds about our future and our dreams are shattered.  We may feel hurt, betrayed or confused.  Sometimes we don’t know who we can blame for the situation, sometimes we have to own up to our own responsibility.  Mostly, we just want the pain to go away and for everything to feel better.
Situations that are beyond our control can be especially difficult.  We ask: “Why did this happen to me?”  “Why did a person that I loved die?” “Why did that accident happen?” “Why did I get this illness?”  “How will I cope with the loss of my job/ my marriage?”  Our lives are thrown into turmoil and our future becomes scary and uncertain.  For a time it is difficult to make any decisions about our future and the situation feels even worse.  In time, we want life to feel better again and we begin to crawl forward.
There are also times when the choices we make have damaging consequences; sometimes those consequences affect us and sometimes they affect others.  We don’t take care of ourselves physically, spiritually and/or emotionally.  We become addicted to drugs, alcohol. gambling, shopping or something else that takes control of our lives.  We have an affair or an abortion.  We mistreat other people or their property.  It is possible to ignore some of these situations for a long time, but then we recognize that change is needed or further destruction is in our future.
Socrates said: What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be”. It may be a long time since we looked at that picture, but it is still probably there. No matter the reason for our circumstance, we have to allow ourselves the opportunity to grieve the loss of that picture before we can move forward.  The five stages of grief and loss are: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  People don’t necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them. 
 
It’s often difficult for others to watch us go through the process.  They want our lives to be better NOW;they want to be the person who can help us; they don’t want to have to watch us “struggle”.  This can be a confusing time for everyone affected by the situation. A person going through tough times may find support from  different sources than they usually did. This may be  surprising, difficult and/or disappointing for the person going through change.  It may also be difficult for those who normally support the person and now need to “let go”.  We can’t all have the capacity to help our family and friends in every situation.
 
Changing the picture in our head isn’t easy. We may hope to revert back to a former place in our lives where everything felt better, but perhaps as we change, that former place no longer is a good fit for us.  Often it is necessary to get the help of professionals or others who have experienced the same challenges through some sort of group situation.  God can change us in an instant, but often He challenges us to do the hard work of change.
 
 It’s hard to “let go and let God”; to take each day as a gift and look forward to the adventure of the day.    It is necessary to take the next step forward without looking back.  There may be huge consequences of our past mistakes, but after we have grieved them, we have to build our tomorrow with what we’ve learned; the lessons that make us stronger.  
 
When life disappoints, there may be rapid changes and many hard times.  Through it all may we look to the Creator to create the new picture in our head that needs to become our focus.  May our trust in Him grow more and more.
 
Psalm 143:8 ~ Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.

Changing Times: Reflecting on a Lifetime of Memories

This past week I went through all my digital photos and got them organized.  It took days to get the job done.  As I worked, I had a chance to do a lot of reflecting on change.  There were many triggers for these “deep” thoughts.  It was interesting to think about how some things have changed in my lifetime.  Of course the first thoughts were around photographs themselves.  I remember putting a film in a camera and being very careful to get the right shot the first time.  Then, once the film was full, taking it to the store and waiting for a few days for the film to be developed.  Now, with digital cameras, I took multiple photos, forgot to delete the ones I didn’t like and created a mess when I down loaded them.  I had no idea how much work I had created for myself.  The duplicates were deleted, the photos I didn’t like were deleted and the remaining photos were moved into labeled files.  It’s good to have one area of my life organized.

It was fun to see the photos of Christmases-past: the pretty trees, the excitement of opening gifts and the special meal with turkey and all the trimmings.  One big change over recent years is how Christmas greetings are exchanged.  When I was a little girl, I grew up on a farm in a rural community. Mom  trekked down the driveway  in all kinds of weather to get the mail. She wanted to see if there was any news from family in Holland. It was especially exciting at Christmas time when “everyone” sent greeting.  There were long letters written on airmail paper.  Being excited about the mail became “part of me”, too.  Sending and receiving Christmas cards was fun.  Now, most Christmas correspondence is done through the computer.  Messages are short and sometimes not much information is shared.  I hope to be more proactive in how I connect with people, not only at Christmas, but the whole year through.

Doing all this sorting on the computer made me realize how important my computer has become to me.  Last week when I had major problems with my “old” computer, I quickly replaced it. I remember back in the early 80’s when we had our first computer, a VIC-20.  I don’t remember being able to do much on it except play some games.  When my children were in school, they used a computer for projects and for games.  It wasn’t until 2001 that I sent my first email.  A few years later I joined an on-line community and found it fascinating that I could communicate with people all over the world at the same time.  Now, there is so much more I do on the computer — banking, ordering books and various gadgets, reading the news and articles,checking flyers and connecting with just about anyone, anywhere for any reason.  I need to get better at limiting the amount of time I spend “wastefully”after I log on.

One thing that has changed a lot is how I view a 60 year old person.  When I was a child , 60 seemed ancient.  Sixty-year-old people were  the grandpas and grandmas.  Their hair was grey or missing, they walked more slowly and they smiled a lot.  Through the years, 60 has seemed younger and younger.  Now grey and missing hair is not important.  I usually saw those older people at a Sunday service so maybe that was why those people walked more slowly because they  still lived very productive lives on their farms and in their kitchens.  “Retirement” wasn’t a word in their vocabulary.  Now I have to work hard to get the amount of exercise I need to maintain my health.  As I get older, I realize more and more that those smiling faces were faces of contentment.  Those older people had learned many life lessons about God’s goodness and God’s faithfulness.  Their trust was in Him.

So, as I move forward, I hope to be more organized, stay more connected with people,  use my time more effectively and be active enough to maintain a healthy body.  But most importantly, I want to take greater delight in how God has led me to this place of awareness of  His goodness and faithfulness as I trust Him more and more.  I want to be remembered as 60+ year old who smiles a lot.

Don’t Ask “Why”, Ask “How”.

Don’t ask “why”, ask “how” …. “how can I glorify You?”

This past week a  friend went through a very traumatic experience — a life-changing experience.  Sometimes it is hard to understand why God lets these things happen.  I have so many questions and so few answers.  I cry, I get angry, I try to run away from the tough realities of life.  Through it all, I know that God is love, that He has a purpose and a plan, but my human mind wants to understand.

Several years ago, I listened to a man with cerebral palsy speak about the challenges in his life.  He said, “I don’t ask ‘why’.  I ask “how can I glorify God?'”  At the time, I was going through the first weeks of being a single-again parent.  Listening to that man speak didn’t change my circumstances but it helped change my perspective.  I needed to remember that today.  I needed to remember that God is still in the business of making beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:3).

In Psalm 56: 8, it says that God keeps track of all my sorrows, He collects all my tears in His bottle and He has recorded each one in His book. God doesn’t say we shouldn’t mourn and grieve.  He cares about our pain– He remembers our pain.  In Ecclesiastes 3 I read that there is a season for everything, including a  “time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance”.  I will always go through seasons in my life.  

But somehow after a big trauma, I have to decide to move on into a season of restoration, of no longer looking back, but of figuring out how God wants me to use the lessons I have learned for His glory.  I have to trust that God will lead me into that place in His time.  I also have to trust that  the plans He has for me will suit me perfectly if I follow Him step-by-step, trusting Him as I move along.

In Isaiah 43:18.19 I read “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland”.  In my personal experience, when I began to believe that God was doing something new, I didn’t notice the “wilderness” and the “wasteland” so much.  I became more aware of the “way” and the “streams”.

So, today, I pray for those who are looking for hope for the future.  Trust that God will surround you with His loving care during your season of weeping and mourning.  But also trust that God has plans for your tomorrows that will make beauty from ashes.  May you become more aware each day of the “way” (the path God is leading you on); and the “streams” (the refreshing He is bringing to your soul).

 

The Joy of the Lord

During the past years of my life, God has richly blessed me through His Word, but also through the wise words of others. One evening  in 1998,shortly after the end of my marriage,  I read a quote that greatly blessed me.  “Happiness is elusive and can be wiped out in a minute, but joy from the Lord is like a deep river down in your heart that just keeps flowing.” (Barbara Johnson)(1).  I was overwhelmed when I realized that even though in many ways I felt like my world was falling apart, I was still experiencing the joy of the Lord — that joy was my strength.

It was a number of year later when I read the words of another woman who described that “joy” so well.  Mary Southerland says it better than I can, so I will use her words:”Joy is not the result of outward circumstances. Joy is an inside job, a deeply rooted confidence that God is in control. Every trial or loss, every defeat or victory measured against this confidence can be counted as joy.”(2)

Today it is 2017 and my mind went back ten years to 2007.  In my journal, I decided that my theme for 2007 would be “the joy of the Lord is my strength.”  I had just gone through another difficult time.  While I was still living in Ontario, my children both moved from Ontario to Alberta.  Then my father had a stroke and my parents moved to a long term care facility in a town a two hour drive away.  And I decided to sell my home.  Yet, that confidence remained. I am writing these words to remind myself.

I can decided to take God at His word when He says in Romans 8:28  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  Life has many ups and downs.  Sometimes it’s hard to see how God is weaving the threads of my tapestry into anythings that makes sense.  Fears overwhelm and worry keeps me from sleeping. When I face the storm, I can only see the storm, but when I turn to my loving Father, He shelters me in His arms.  He reminds me that He is in control and I can feel that river of joy flow.

Yes, I can choose joy.

 

 

(1) Barbara Johnson, The Joy Journal, Kindle edition, [Nashville, Tennessee:Thomas Nelson Inc.(1996)

(2)Mary Southerland, “Choose Joy”, Girlfriends in God, January 26, 2016, http://girlfriendsingod.com/choose-joy/

 

Christian Co-dependency: Recognizing Unhealthy Relationship Patterns

On her website Change My Relationship, http://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Karla Downing says that “when people are ‘codependent’ in their personal relationships, it means they have an unhealthy way of reacting to other people”.  Some people do too much for other people and others let people do too much for them.  Neither is healthy. On her website, Karla has  “Seven signs you are a Christian co-dependent” and I encourage you to look for those if you have questions about your personal relationships.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mqEHt1FjnA

One of the challenges as a Christian is that I know God calls me to help others.  In my mind I can justify the many “extra” things I do for someone else.   Sometimes, I am not helping others in a positive way though.  I am preventing the other person for reaching his/her full potential because of the opportunities, good or bad, that I don’t allow that person to have.

Doing too much for the other person can be confusing for them.  Because if I don’t trust them to accomplish a task, they don’t trust themselves either.  The lines become blurred about what is my responsibility and what is their responsibility.  In time, the other person may just allow me to do more and more for him/her.  They may not really appreciate it, but they allow it.  Then … I become frustrated because I am doing so much, but am not appreciated

In this situation, it is very easy to ignore my own needs.  The Bible says to love God above all and our neighbours as ourselves, but I may have no idea of what that might look like.  As I strive harder and harder to be loving and giving and serving and encouraging, I may become very exhausted.  Once I’m exhausted, I start to feel guilty because I am no longer meeting all the needs that others allow me to try to meet.

Is this the example Jesus gave?  It was an eye-opener when I read the gospels with the idea of following Jesus’ example in His relationships. I realized that Jesus rested, He walked away from some people, He threw out the money changers; He set boundaries.

Slowly,  I came to realize that I need to care for myself emotionally, physically and spiritually if I want to be all that I can be for God.  When I take care of myself, I am better able to be a positive influence in the lives of others.  When I take care of myself, I can spread more peace and joy and laughter.  I more easily reflect Jesus in me.

 Matthew 5:14-16 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven”.

(Just some random thoughts on something I’ve learned while living life)

About Me: Embracing God’s Tapestry of Life

The threads of the tapestry of my life start long before I was born and go on into eternity.  Through brilliant colour and dark hues, knots and zigzag lines, God is creating a picture that only He could design. Parts of the tapestry seem complete and parts are still being woven into surprising patterns.

There are threads that remind me that God was preparing me for the tough times before they even happened; threads filled with pain that still bring tears to my eyes; threads that bring back memories that make me smile and bring joy to my day.  In the Weaver’s design, there are no mistakes.  The Weaver loves me and I trust Him more and more.

I am a single-again mother of two; a son and a daughter.  I was a registered nurse for many years, a career that I (mostly) enjoyed.  I enjoy walks in nature, connecting with people and doing my best to be a light in the world God has places me in.

God is still teaching me lessons that help me “function better” in His world.  I appreciate His tenderness and care as He reveals new truths to me.

Sharing my writing more widely is one of the surprising patterns of my life.  First I wrote a book and now I am starting a blog.  Only God knows what this part of my tapestry will look like — an adventure with Him.

I thank God for blessing me and for joy in the journey.