There are many times when life doesn’t happen the way we expect it to. We have a picture in our minds about our future and our dreams are shattered. We may feel hurt, betrayed or confused. Sometimes we don’t know who we can blame for the situation, sometimes we have to own up to our own responsibility. Mostly, we just want the pain to go away and for everything to feel better.
Situations that are beyond our control can be especially difficult. We ask: “Why did this happen to me?” “Why did a person that I loved die?” “Why did that accident happen?” “Why did I get this illness?” “How will I cope with the loss of my job/ my marriage?” Our lives are thrown into turmoil and our future becomes scary and uncertain. For a time it is difficult to make any decisions about our future and the situation feels even worse. In time, we want life to feel better again and we begin to crawl forward.
There are also times when the choices we make have damaging consequences; sometimes those consequences affect us and sometimes they affect others. We don’t take care of ourselves physically, spiritually and/or emotionally. We become addicted to drugs, alcohol. gambling, shopping or something else that takes control of our lives. We have an affair or an abortion. We mistreat other people or their property. It is possible to ignore some of these situations for a long time, but then we recognize that change is needed or further destruction is in our future.
Socrates said: What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be”. It may be a long time since we looked at that picture, but it is still probably there. No matter the reason for our circumstance, we have to allow ourselves the opportunity to grieve the loss of that picture before we can move forward. The five stages of grief and loss are: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. People don’t necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them.
It’s often difficult for others to watch us go through the process. They want our lives to be better NOW;they want to be the person who can help us; they don’t want to have to watch us “struggle”. This can be a confusing time for everyone affected by the situation. A person going through tough times may find support from different sources than they usually did. This may be surprising, difficult and/or disappointing for the person going through change. It may also be difficult for those who normally support the person and now need to “let go”. We can’t all have the capacity to help our family and friends in every situation.
Changing the picture in our head isn’t easy. We may hope to revert back to a former place in our lives where everything felt better, but perhaps as we change, that former place no longer is a good fit for us. Often it is necessary to get the help of professionals or others who have experienced the same challenges through some sort of group situation. God can change us in an instant, but often He challenges us to do the hard work of change.
It’s hard to “let go and let God”; to take each day as a gift and look forward to the adventure of the day. It is necessary to take the next step forward without looking back. There may be huge consequences of our past mistakes, but after we have grieved them, we have to build our tomorrow with what we’ve learned; the lessons that make us stronger.
When life disappoints, there may be rapid changes and many hard times. Through it all may we look to the Creator to create the new picture in our head that needs to become our focus. May our trust in Him grow more and more.
Psalm 143:8 ~ Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.
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